


A Teaspoon of Sugar

by JustCallMeSabby



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Altered Events, Crush, Depressing Thoughts, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friendship, James Being an Idiot, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape Friendship, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Minor Lily Evans Potter/Marlene McKinnon, Minor Regulus Black/Remus Lupin, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Severus needs a hug, Tags May Change, Worried!James, a horrendous amount of brackets and dashes, bi!james, breakdown - Freeform, caring!lily, everyone is basically gay at this point, gay!severus, im not even sure what im doing im sorta going with it, im self projecting my anger into this, lily too, protective behaviour, sad!severus, sev has a temper, sev is depressed, supportive!marauders, the marauders gonna need to be slapped in the face cuz im pissed, theyre trying to make amends, worried!regulus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-10-30 11:11:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17827481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustCallMeSabby/pseuds/JustCallMeSabby
Summary: After the events of the Shrieking Shack, Severus got fed up and left for the Muggle World. Trying to live a normal uneventful muggle life until a certain James Potter came to his house with an apology and practically begged for him to return. Severus was having none of it.(an AU where the event by the lake didn’t happen. Severus didn’t call Lily a mudblood. Severus and Lily are still best friends, with Regulus. Lily is a Lesbian and came out during their 5th year. The Shrieking Shack prank still happened but Sirius didn’t actually want him to die. James has a crush but he’s an idiot. Remus just wants to avoid drama. Severus is done and left Hogwarts to live in the Muggle World.)





	1. Chapter 1

There were a lot of things Severus had to go through in his miserable life. Some which he had thought that he had escaped, like his obligation towards his mother. Sure, he loved her dearly and would’ve risked his own hide for her without a second thought. But when her sickness became too much and his drunkard of a father had used the little money they owned to buy more booze to get more drunk, instead of providing her the necessity of medical care, she finally died on her deathbed when Severus was well into his 3rd year. The news were painful and Lily and her family had taken care of him and helped him pick up the pieces.

The second obstacle he thought he had escaped was his own father. The beatings he had to endure almost every night and the neglect in which he had experienced since he was a toddler were almost tolerable when Eileen was still alive. But when his mother had kicked the bucket, he didn’t hesitate to leave his house at Spinner’s End and stayed at Hogwarts every summer holiday in the name of self-preservation.

The last horrid thing he also had to endure was during his time at Hogwarts. (“The safest place on earth.” Severus remembered how naïve he was, and because of that same naivety that he became the target of scorn and taunts from both the house of snakes and lions. He told himself everyday that he should’ve known better.) He almost hated his time at school, some days were bearable, especially when he had his Lily by his side, while other days his patience and tolerance were wearing thin and he gripped his wand until his knuckles turned white at every jeers and sneers and every single **_pranks_** the filthy _**pigs**_ decided to play on him.

He has yet to escape them though, but he prayed, and prayed, and prayed that he will. But his stomach twisted almost painfully when he felt like there was a damnable force in his life that always pushes him and the Marauders together as if screaming at him that his future will revolve around them and escaping them would never come to fruit no matter what he does. He almost vomit his lunch at the Great Hall when he gave himself time to think about it and had to excuse himself when Regulus told him he looked a tad green. Madam Pomfrey said he had caught the stomach flu but he knew better.

When he turned fifteen, the pranks lessened until it was almost none existent. The Marauders no longer targeted him and by some miracle almost the entire student body stopped giving him looks of disdain and the name calling ceased completely (A Gryffindor had called him by his last name the other day and he almost dropped the mountains of books he was carrying for a joyful read by the lake out of shock. He didn’t know what he wanted from him because he immediately snapped his mouth closed and fled the scene before the other boy finished talking. It took him a couple more students to call him Snape instead of Snivellus that he realized that he wasn’t hallucinating or dreaming. He went to Madam Pomfrey that evening for incase.) He suspected that it was Lily’s doing since she loathed the way the Marauders treated him. She probably threatened them and it finally got drilled into their thick skulls. Severus asked her about it and she said that she hadn’t talked to any of them for months after they found out about her sexual orientation. Confused, Severus let it slide and lived his almost peaceful life as best he could.

He reprimanded himself once more and kept telling himself that **_he should’ve known_ _better_** when Black led him towards the Shrieking Shack during his 6th year. He was already feeling shitty and was probably contemplating offing himself, and it was probably why he listened to Black’s directions to meet him near the Whomping Willow in the Forbidden Forest. Curiosity played a big role in it definitely, but a tiny part of him was seriously done with everything that had happened during the couple months of the start of the school year when he was told by his fellow Slytherins that he was expected to take the Dark Mark. The Marauders sets on targeting him once more with small pranking and mild taunting just to rile him up for a fight or two and that left him paranoid, afraid of getting ambushed in empty corridors like the old days.

He cursed himself and Black and the rest of the Marauders and even the whole damn school as he ran as fast as his legs can take him. He cursed Potter most of all at the moment as he was the one that is in the process of saving his life, dragging his feet like he was riding a broom during his Quiditch match and gripping Severus’ wrist like his life depended on it and squeezed hard enough that it might bruise for a couple of days. They didn’t stop running even when their lungs burned with the lack of oxygen and they didn’t chance a look behind knowing the Werewolf chasing them would easily catch up if they slowed down even a tiny bit.

Severus’ mind was reeling and he almost tripped a couple times if not for Potter’s strong hold of him. He thought that Potter should’ve just let go of him and save his own life since Black was the one that sent him down there. It puzzled him that Potter looked desperate on keeping him alive as if he didn’t want him dead, not that he thought Potter bode well with the idea of being a murderer but it’s more the fact that Potter had told him that his mere existence bugged the hell out of him one too many times before and he expected Potter to turn a blind eye and deaf ears to Black’s actions, much like Lupin had been when his imbecilic friends bullied him to hell and back in the past. If he was questioned, he could’ve just said he had tried to save him and slipped during the run and Severus got mauled to pieces because of it.

If Potter did land in Azkaban, he could probably still save himself from it with his wealth and family connections. He didn’t know how the Aurors here work but there were still policemen that accepted bribery to do one’s dirty work for them in the muggle world. He’s sure they’re no different here too. Severus was tempted to let go just to get the satisfaction of the off chance that they do land in Azkaban and the Aurors here are far more competent than the muggle police force. But then he’s far too stubborn to let them get the satisfaction of his death in their hands, which was the reason why he’s bolting through the heavy forest to get to the Headmaster for protection.

¤

Severus was seething in his seat, face flushed red and hands gripping the sides of his seat as if the cool metal stool could calm down the fire raging within him in dangerous blazes of rude remarks and hurtful to the bones words. He bit his tongue to not lash out at the Headmaster and his blatant show of favoritism towards his own House. “Young Sirius shall receive his due punishment, Severus.” Dumbledore’s fatherly voice shot through his growing migraine and made it worse by the second. “I’m not quite sure how a month worth of detention and benching him off the Quiditch team is an appropriate punishment for **_attempted_ _murder_** , Headmaster Dumbledore,” he spat and abruptly stood up, his chair knocked down with a loud clang from the sudden force. “and I can’t believe you let that – that,” his hands flew around in search of a better word, “that **_monster_** stay here!”

“He’s not a monster!” Black stood up too, quick to defend his friend, and leveled Severus with a glare in which he returned with the same amount of ferocity.

“Funny. I’m not talking about Lupin, Black.” He snarled, hand reaching into his robes for his wand, “I know a werewolf can’t stop himself once they transform, it’s common knowledge but I’m sure you know about it when you sent me down there to kill me off. You on the other hand, had all the control over your mind and body,” his brow twitched when he noticed Black was inching towards his wand too, “but then again, you have the Black’s blood running in your veins. There’s a muggle saying, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Guess someone inherent mommy dearest’s insanity.”

“Why you snivelling –“ Black had gripped his wand first and aimed it directly towards Severus’ throat with a hex at the tip of his tongue. Severus on the other hand, refused to take out his wand and chose to hold it tightly within his robes. He raised a brow at the wand and stared back at Black’s grey eyes to make a point of his earlier accusation. He deemed himself the victor when Black’s face flushed in obvious anger when he realized he had given ammunition to his enemy.

“That’s enough Mr. Black!” both students flinched and finally remembered where they were. Black’s eyes flitted briefly towards Potter, who, to Severus’ surprise, is standing much closer to him now with his wand at the ready by his side.

Potter shook his head once and Black lowered his wand. Severus mentally snorted, ‘mangy vile mutt.’

Dumbledore cleared his throat to gain their attention. “Now Severus, my boy, I would like to request you to not inform the whole student body of Remus’ odd… conditions.”

“ ** _What!?_** ” the repressed fury came back in full as he looked at the old man incredulously, “You can’t be serious!? Lupin tried to **_kill_** me! Whether he wasn’t in his right mind or not, he’s a bloody werewolf. A dark creature that has no jurisdiction over his primal instinct even if it’s just once a month! And you’re letting such a creature to live among students who doesn’t know better. If **_Potter_** ,” he uttered the name as if it was a curse, “hadn’t come, I would’ve –“

“Mr. Snape, you will not use such a tone towards your professor.” He hadn’t realized he was practically screaming by now. He gritted his teeth shut. Dumbledore gave him a look like a father reprimanding his child and Severus felt himself become small, flashbacks to where his real father hated how he disrespected him, but at least the Headmaster didn’t take out a belt as his weapon of choice to instill manners into others with a merciless hard smack to the back until they’re broken and bloody. For a moment, Severus silently thanked the little things in his life.

Dumbledore cleared his throat again, “Now Mr. Snape,” another look, “I know that your first encounter with a werewolf has left you on edge and slightly in hysterics. Mr. Black shall receive his adequate punishment in due time for his actions. I don’t see it fair for Mr. Lupin to leave Hogwarts and strip him of his chance to live a normal school life if you were to tell the other students when he clearly wasn’t at fault. Mr. Black had admitted his fault and had regretted his decision in endangering another student over a simple prank gone wrong. Surely you should be the better person and forgive him?” Dumbledore’s smile was kind, but Severus saw the glint in his eyes. A demand, not a request.

Severus’ throat constricted, “And if I don’t? if I chose to tell everyone?” it wasn’t like the others would believe him anyways – but Lily and Regulus probably would, at least that’s something comforting to know.

The man sighed and spoke lowly, “Then I shall have no choice but to punish you for disobeying a direct order from me with expulsion.”

He didn’t know what happened, but after Dumbledore said what he said, he saw red. His chest burned and he was clenching and unclenching his fists, trying his hardest to reign his anger. But it burned and burned and burned every fiber of his being and he’s so fed up with everything that had happened, tired and angry and bitter over everything that had led him here. He resented everything and everyone in his life. The stress over the months – over the **_years_** – had somehow finally caught up to him and combined with today’s event made that scorching and dark feeling intensified tenfold from his head to the tip of his toes. He always had a temper, had embedded himself with the feeling of pure hate because hate was all he knew. He grew up with hate. So that’s what he’s going to do.

“EXPEL ME THEN YOU FUCKING CRAZY BIASED OLD COOT!” he roared with all the fury his body provided. “YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A TEACHER. YOU ALWAYS SIDE WITH THE GRYFFINDORS WHILE OTHERS SUFFER FROM YOUR DECISION! CAN’T EVEN CONTROL YOUR DAMN MUTTS WITHOUT THEM TRYING TO KILL A STUDENT. OPEN YOUR BLOODY EYES AND LOOK AROUND YOU. **_YOUR_** STUDENTS HAVE BEEN TORMENTING EVERYONE! AND YOU DEFEND THEM LIKE THEY’RE SAINTS! WELL I GOT NEWS FOR YOU, YOU INCOMPETENT OLD SWINE. I DON’T BLAME SOME OF US WHO SURRENDER THEMSELVES TO VOLDERMORT. AT THE RATE YOU’RE SHITTING OUT OF YOUR ARSE, I ‘D PROBABLY TAKE THE DARK MARK JUST TO SPITE YOU. YOU FUCKING CUNT. YOU FUCKING **_DOUCHEBAG_**.” His ears were ringing, his throat hurts from the shouting and he balanced himself with his hands gripping the Headmaster’s desk, digging his nails into the wood and he was certain that it would leave a crescent mark but he didn’t care. He stopped caring about anything anymore.

The room was shocked into silence from Severus’ furious outbursts. The two boys next to him just stared at him as if he has gone mad – who knows, maybe he did – and the looks from the Headmaster was priceless, and if Severus wasn’t so livid, he would’ve bursts out laughing. Unfortunately, he was still seeing red and he still felt like someone casted fiendfyre inside his very being. So he ploughed through.

“AND YOU!” he whipped around to face Potter, robes billowing behind him, making a sharp snap in his wake. The bespectacled boy tensed when the cold obsidian eyes stared up at him. “I’m tired with you and your shit. With your stupid fucking pranks for only an idiotic Gryffindor can pull. Only someone who has half a brain to consume his time with meaningless bullshit. You and your whore of a best friend, you and your disgusting pet wolf, you and your putrid rat. I’m sick of it. **_Sick_**. **_Of_**. _**All**_. **_Of_**. **_It_**.” He jabbed a finger into his chest hard to emphasize his every word. He reveled in the pained wince from Potter for a second, then gave him the nastiest sneer he could muster, “You’ve won. You’ve finally broke Snivellus. Finally made him snap. Congratulations, you arrogant swine. I’ll be more than happy to stop existing from your life. Be damn happy to leave! Being a bloody wizard is not worth this much agony.” It is worth it. However, he couldn’t take another second with them any longer.

Without breaking eye contact from Potter’s hazel eyes, he spat, “Headmaster, I wish to leave Hogwarts for good.” Dumbledore, finally awaken from his stupor, spluttered as a response.

“Severus, my boy, I think you should calm down first before you make rash decisions you surely regret.” Dumbledore’s plea was met with deaf ears.

His sneer deepened and in a fit of blind rage, he continued to let his emotions move him into action. The black haired boy fished out his wand, gripping both ends with his hands and lowered it onto his thigh with as much strength his lithe body could make and successfully snapped his wand into two. The boy in front of him gawked at him in disbelief and horror. “I can’t continue my studies without a wand, Headmaster Dumbledore. I cannot afford another one, therefore, you have to let me leave this school.” He turned his head towards the old man and drawled menacingly, “Or if that’s not enough, I will tell the students about you hoarding a dangerous creature in a school with far too many students with renowned and influential family. Imagine the chaos that will ensue.”

Dumbledore clicked his jaw and his face turned grim. “Very well, Severus. If that’s what you want. I shall have a train ready by tomorrow morning for your departure.”

Severus nodded, “Thank you, Professor Dumbledore.” He threw away the broken wands onto the ground and shot a hateful glare towards the two Marauders, “Have fun celebrating my leave. You earned it.” With that said, he confidently strode out with his crooked nose pointed into the air.

¤

Severus stepped into the morning train with his trunk with begrudging difficulty. He doesn’t have his wand anymore so he couldn’t shrink his trunk and stuff it in his pockets like he used to. The memory of yesterday evening still lingered at the back of his head. He could feel the ugly bile of regret and depression came back crawling and clawing at the back of his throat and threatening him to release a frustrated scream and a desperate sob, but he stayed strong. He didn’t dare to look back at the Headmaster and Deputy Headmistress of his former school because if he did, he might begged them to take him back.

Severus inwardly laughed bitterly at the idea of him begging for forgiveness and repenting over his own actions. He did regret what he had done, and cursed himself up and down for letting his emotions overrode his rational thinking. But Severus is nothing but prideful. He’d rather leave with the little bit of dignity he has left than staying with none.

As he stuffed his trunk in an empty carriage, he recalled yesterday’s event. The consequence of his actions had hit him hard like a pile of bricks and it almost pushed him into the brink of a panic attack in the middle of the Slytherin’s common room. He willed the panic away as best he could and started on packing. He didn’t let himself think about it until the next morning when he walked out from Hogwarts’ ground and met the ancient Headmaster waiting for him to send him off.

He sighed long and loud as he rubbed his tired face. He didn’t even tell Lily and Regulus of his leave. Lily would be so mad when she visits Spinner’s End during the holidays later and he was sure they’re going to start another fight. And Regulus… well, he doesn’t think he’ll ever see him again anywhere in his future though. He cursed his life and the people in it for the umpteenth time within the few hours since he woke up. Lily and Regulus were the only source of happiness he had left since his mother died, but now, he had fucked himself over and ruined the only good thing in his life. And for what? Giving Potter and his insolent gang their victory in exchange for them to leave him the hell alone for the rest of his life, only to send himself into another jaw of death in the hands of his father back home in Cokeworth?

He hasn’t seen his father for almost 3 years. He doubted that he’d be happy to see him back just to tell him that he quit school. Maybe he would. He could just tell him that he’s no longer a wizard anymore since he can’t do magic without his wand – though he could do wandless magic but he could stop himself from doing them – and with enough time, he could even forget that he was once a wizard and that there’s another mythical world within the world he’s already living in. Maybe he could even tell his father that he had succeeded beating the _**freakiness**_ out of him. And maybe, his father would look at him like how he had looked at him before his magic manifested – with love and not hate, with kindness and not fear, with unbridled tenderness and not rage. He could have a normal life. One of a muggle.

He frowned, perhaps that’s where he was supposed to be. He’s a half-blood, meaning he had the choice from the beginning to choose to stay as a muggle or stay as a wizard. Being a wizard, he thought in despair, had caused all the problems in his life. Had made his father a raging and hateful monster that had landed hits and kicks and hurtful insults to his own wife and only son. Had made him go to Hogwarts and left his mother in the hands of his father and died because he wasn’t there to take care of her. Had him sorted into Slytherin, only to be bullied by so many houses because he was different no matter where he goes. If he had chosen wisely, if he hadn’t accepted the letter, maybe he could be happy – **_happier_**.

He sat for what felt like hours in the carriage, thinking and wondering about the what-ifs, plaguing his mind with unnecessary sadness and longing. He didn’t hear the carriage door opening and closing until he saw a concerned looking messy-haired boy sitting across from him. He blinked owlishly, his mind was still blurry and when he finally focused, his hands clenched and he barely held himself from strangling the occupant in front of him.

“What the hell are you doing here Potter? Come to gloat over your success?”

The boy flinched from the amount of venom in Severus’ voice, and after a moment of unsure silence, he gave him a tentative smile.

“No. I…” he looked around the carriage awkwardly, his confidence diminishing.

“Get out.”

“What?”

Severus wanted to throw something at him but he doesn’t have anything on his being except for the clothes on his back so he settled with a snarl.

“I said get out. The train is about to move and you’re still here.”

Potter looked down dejectedly, “O-oh.” He still didn’t move from his seat but instead played around with something in his robe.

 _Probably his wand_ , Severus thought angrily, unwanted memory of the feeling of his own wand snapping into two zooming past his mind like a fleeting thought. He probably came here to hex him to bits since he’s now defenseless in every sense of the word. Severus harrumphed and quickly stood up to go find another empty carriage to brood in.

Before Severus could reach the door, he was immediately stopped by a hand on his wrist, "I’m sorry.” Potter’s voice was uncharacteristically soft and gentle and he sounded like he was close to crying but Severus couldn’t give two shits about his sudden apology and roughly pushed him away. Potter’s head slammed onto the train’s window harshly and that would’ve made Severus smile but God, he needed a way to dispel his anger.

“YOU DON’T GET TO BE SORRY!” Severus wanted to cry, to scream, to cut himself so that the rage burning in him could find a way to get out because it was too suffocating and he wanted to strangle himself more than he wanted to strangle Potter. To end it all because he suddenly couldn’t breathe and everything felt like a terrible nightmare rewinding itself over and over and he’s too exhausted to even stand. He pressed himself against the carriage door.

“ALL YOU’VE EVER DONE IS RUIN MY LIFE SINCE OUR FIRST YEAR. 6 FUCKING YEARS OF TORMENT AND HUMILATION FROM YOU AND YOUR PESTS, YOU DON’T GET TO BE SORRY FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU’VE DONE!”

Potter moved hesitantly towards him, hands in the air to cup Severus’ face and wipe away the tears. Severus recoiled from his touch as if burnt and violently shoved him to the ground. Using the distraction, with unsteady hands, he unceremoniously threw the door open and fled into an empty carriage at the far end of the train. Once inside and the door is locked, Severus unwillingly admitted that he was indeed crying and sobbing and Potter had finally won the entire war they both had for he had shown his enemy his weakness. He broke down silently and hoped that the pain would end.

¤

Severus’ idled mind failed to notice that the train was finally moving and it had probably been moving for the past hours until they arrived at the train station. Deeming it safe to leave the safety of the carriage, he went back to grab the trunk he had left. He peeked through the window to see if Potter was still there or not, and when there was no sign of him, he carefully slid the door open and grabbed his trunk.

But before he could, his eyes caught sight of 2 familiar wooden stick and a piece of paper at the seat where he previously sat on. He scowled at it and paid no heed of its existence and made to exit.

He stopped half way out the door and hesitantly looked back. He couldn’t just leave it there. It’s trash and he couldn’t just leave garbage laying around, where was his manners? He reasoned.

Moving back into the carriage, he paused to just stare at it. A shaky sigh escaped him and he gently grabbed his broken wand, relishing at the tiniest feathery touch of magic coursing through it. Said magic would be gone within a few days or so, he was sure.

He pocketed the wand and turned to the note. He didn’t want to take it with him though. It must’ve been from Potter, he thought to himself, it would be foolish to accept anything from him – except his own wand of course.

He was about to turn around and leave it when the train conductor saw him still lounging in the carriage. “What are you still doing here lad? You ought to move now. The train waits for no one!” he said but not unkindly. “And please don’t leave your trash around either.”

 _Dammit_.

“Yes, of course, my apologies.” He gave the note another distrustful glare until he warily took it and shoved it inside his pocket. He’ll throw it away at a nearby trash can as fast as he could, and heaved his trunk out into the warm air of King’s Cross Station.


	2. Chapter 2

James Potter was bloody **_miserable_**. He couldn’t focus for the rest of the day after he saw Snape that morning. Even his favourite Transfiguration class doesn’t have the same appeal than it used to without a certain greasy haired bastard sitting three rows in front of him to tease – and stare at. He sighed, and looked down at the lone match in front of him. He was supposed to transfigure the match into a cauldron, but his mind and heart wasn’t into it today and hence all he could do was transfigure it for about 5 seconds until it changed back into its original form. He has been doing this for the entire class until the fifth time it changed back did he finally gave up. He sighed again.

“Are you okay?” Sirius’ cauldron hasn’t changed back he noticed. It glimmered under the light and it looked unused and clean and still a freaking cauldron and not a stupid stinking match. He glanced at Remus, and slowly nodded. Remus’ lips tightened into a straight line, knowing full well that James is far from okay. He hasn’t been okay since yesterday night.

When Remus woke up at the Hospital Wing, James and Sirius came to visit. He was happy to see his friends but then Sirius opened his mouth and everything went downhill from there. He still felt betrayed by the both of them but one look at James and Remus knew he had learned his lesson. That doesn’t mean he’s going to easily forgive them though, but that also doesn’t mean he should make James feel more terrible than he already is. They’re friends, for better or worse.

Remus was about to call him out of it when Sirius went around their table and bodily dragged James out of the room, yelling about them wanting to use the loo. Much to his own embarrassment, everyone heard him.

¤

His best friend isn’t stupid – well, isn’t as stupid as everyone thought he is. Sirius knew how awful James must’ve felt after the ordeal with Snape. He also knew that at five in the bloody morning, James got up without a wink of sleep and ran out through the portrait with his invisibility cloak in his arms to catch the morning train. Probably to convince Snape to stay.

Then he came back at around seven in the morning before class started with the fakest grin he has ever seen. James went through breakfast and classes with false enthusiasm, and it physically hurts Sirius to see how James’ eyes constantly landed on the Slytherin’s table every few minutes and how he momentarily frowned when he saw an empty spot next to a confused and worried Regulus (Severus is usually early, Regulus thought, searching through the horde of students at the table for his friend and would occasionally give the Gryffindor table a suspicious glare.)

And when the Headmaster announced about Snape’s permanent leave, the entire Great Hall broke into whispers that gradually became louder and louder until Evans stormed right off from her seat towards James and dumped a whole bowl of oatmeal did everyone quieted down to watch. “WHAT THE **_HELL_** DID YOU DO POTTER!?” she screamed for the whole students and staffs to hear.

No one can deny that both Evans and Snape has a temper. Where Snape is like a raging storm, using his actions and sharp words to strike anyone in his path. Evans resembles that of a volcanic eruption, takes longer for her to explode as she lays dormant until all the anger and fury and **_uncontrolled rage_** blew right in your face.

She pointed her wand at James’ throat when he stood up to clean himself off. McKinnon squeaked and pulled at Evans’ other arm to stop her, but she refused to stand down, even when Professor McGonagall came to the table and threatened to deduct points off of her own house if she won’t put down her wand. “You did something didn’t you?” she asked, voice calm but her eyes were filled with unshed tears. Sirius nearly blanched when her accusatory gaze shifted to him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Evans.” James said, far too quietly in the silent hall. His hazel eyes avoiding her beautiful green ones.

Evans moved forward with purpose and pressed the tip of her wand into James’ throat with enough pressure to cause pain but not enough to cause him bodily harm. “Sev quitted school. When just yesterday I saw him walking around the corridors for his prefect duties. You and your friends must’ve done something to him that made him leave.” A deep hateful scowl adorned her pretty face and Potter gulped against the tip of her wand. “This is all your fault. Why couldn’t you just leave him alone!?” she screamed herself hoarse and the dam broke, she cried, lowering her wand and turned to bury her face into McKinnon’s sweater. Sobbing and crying, breath hitching now and then, and within seconds, McKinnon’s sweater became damp at the area where Evans’ face made contact.

Lily Evans got her first detention with Professor McGonagall that morning for giving Potter the nastiest stinging hex he has ever gotten – not even from Snape – after her crying stopped long enough for her to cast it.

“Snape’s gone?” “They probably drove him away.”

“How horrible!” “They must’ve done something to him.” “I wonder if he’s hurt.”

“Good riddance I’d say!” “Don’t be mean. Snape’s not that bad.”

Everyone began to speak and talk throughout breakfast after that, surely to spread rumors about it for weeks to come. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter received many dirty looks from the other students, especially from Lily and her group of girls, and Regulus from way across the hall. James and Sirius guiltily lowered their heads, while Remus and Peter ignored their glares and ate their foods, knowing that whatever transpired with Snape wasn’t their fault to feel guilty about – but deep down, Remus knew he was as much at fault than the two marauders regarding Snape’s sudden leave.

¤

James looked awful and he certainly **_felt_** awful. He had been sighing all day and forcing false bravado left and right every time someone so much look his way. All he wanted to do right now is curl up under his duvet and sleep his guilt away.

 _“This is all your fault.”_ His brain helpfully interjected, voice suspiciously sounded like Evans. _“Why couldn’t you just leave him alone!?”_ it screeched again.

“Hey Prongs, you in there?” fingers snapping in front of him made him come to. Sirius had dragged him into the school’s bathroom and locked the door – after checking the stalls to make sure they were empty. He looked up at the worried face of his longtime friend and grinned.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry Padfoot, was a little dazed there. What were you saying?”

Sirius sighed, “I was trying to tell you that I’m sorry. I didn’t think that he’d – you know, do that. I mean,” another frustrated sigh escaped his lips, “the plan backfired and had a **_ton_** of flaws, I admit, but Snape leaving wasn’t supposed to happen.” He started pacing and James’ eyes followed his movements, “Did you tell him about the life debt? When you went to see him this morning – and yes, I know you did. Don’t give me that look, I saw you!” he stopped, with his hands on his hips, one hip cocked to the side, and raised an eyebrow at James. “Did you use the life debt and ask for him to stay?”

Prongs groaned and raked his hand through his hair nervously, making the unruly mane more of a mess than it truly is. “I planned to! But then he got mad when he saw me and I couldn’t say anything.” He walked into the nearest stall and gave the opened door a hard kick, “You should’ve seen him Pads! He was so bloody angry and so bloody fierce and so bloody…” he briefly stopped and exhaled loudly, resting his forehead onto the stall’s door and squeezed his eyes shut, “and so bloody gorgeous, with his scowl and dark eyes and – “ he bit his lips and groaned again. “And I fucked up.”

Sirius immediately jumped at that, “Absolutely not. It wasn’t your fault Prongs. I made the plan and caused him to leave. If anything, it was my fault.” It was hard for him to see his best mate this discouraged, as if all the happy vibe and confidence were stripped away and left him in a big puddle of anxiety and despair.

James turned around and slid to the cold tiled floor, leaning his back to the door, “The plan could’ve worked if I wasn’t so stupid and sent us to detention. Besides,” he fiddled with his hands for a moment, remembering the pleasant feeling of Severus’ soft and cold skin as he wiped away the tears, even though it only lasted seconds until he pulled away. “I think it was a long time coming. We did basically… _**tormented**_ him, so to speak. I’m just surprised he lasted this long.” Not that he wasn’t grateful that he did. He was and still is grateful beyond belief, but now that he’s gone, it left an empty and hollow feeling in his chest that he hasn’t yet ready to give name to.

 _Heartbreak._ Something in him said and he doesn’t have the energy to deny it.

He moaned and banged the back of his head against the cold door. “Hey, enough of that.” Padfoot stepped over him and sat down on the toilet lid, “We could ask Evans where he lives and you could go over there and ask him to come back. Then you could use the life debt and ask him out!” he clapped his hands and grinned at him like the cat that caught the canary, “It’s foolproof! Don’t you think so, mate?”

James lulled his head to the side and gave him a withering look, “And what if he doesn’t want to come back? What would I do then?”

“Use the life debt and make him come back!”

“By forcing him!? He’s going to hate me!”

Padfoot rested his elbows on his knees and gave him a bland look, “I’m not sure if you get it yet Prongs, but I think he already does.” James closed his eyes and repeatedly banged the back of his head against the door as a response.

“And isn’t using the life debt to force him into a relationship with you just as bad as you using it to force him to come back?” Another voice came from the next stall startled the both of them.

“Moony? Is that you? What are you doing here?”

Remus walked around to them and leaned his shoulder on the doorframe, arms folded against his chest. “You guys took so long and Professor McGonagall made me check on you.” He sighed and rubbed his aching temple, “And by the looks of what you were discussing about, I think I got the gist of why you practically used me yesterday.” He was hurt when Sirius explained it to him. They didn’t tell him why they did it and it hurts like hell for being used for their personal gain.

James immediately sat up straight and Sirius stood up, both looking apologetic and remorseful, “Moony, we’re so sorry.” Remus shook his head and held up a hand for them to shut up, and they did.

“Look. What you did was terrible for both me and Snape. You used me and drove him away.” The brunette pushed off from the stall’s door and glared at the both of them, “You could’ve told me about your plan first! I could’ve killed him and that could’ve sent me to Azkaban. For Merlin’s sake, I could’ve received the Dementor’s kiss! What were you thinking!?” he was yelling by the end of it, pacing angrily and stomping his foot around the bathroom floor. Remus knew how they both could come up with the stupidest plan known to man and still come up on top, but this took the cake. Stupid plus stupider equals these two, he guessed.

“Is that what you want James? For me to kill him? Is that what your obsession finally led to?” he was fuming now, he knows he’s hurting his friend with his words and by how pale and the way James’ shoulders tensed, it really did strike a nerve.

A hand on his shoulder made him stop his pacing, “Moony…” Sirius shook his head at him, “Don’t.”

They were silent for a while, all three not knowing how to disperse the tension between them, and only the sound of their breathing and dripping of water from a broken faucet at the sink filled the silence.

“He was crying you know.”

James’ voice was far away and so soft that the other two almost couldn’t catch what he was saying. “It was the first time I’ve seen him cry.” his hair fell down to cover his eyes as he stared down at his intertwined hands on his lap. “His eyes held so much pain, and so much anger that it made you want to hold him in your arms and never let go.” James chuckled humorlessly, running a hand through his messy mob of hair out of his face, “But there was so much hate too. Hate towards me.”

He huffed and slowly stood up from the floor, “I know what we did was wrong, and I know that it would take time for you to forgive us. It’s just that –“ he paused and weakly shuffled his feet towards the sink. “he’s so frustrating sometimes!” he said, throwing his hands up in the air in annoyance before turning on the water and aggressively splashing cold water onto his face to hide whatever emotion his eyes and face is clearly showing, “All I wanted was his attention and he wouldn’t even give me his time of day! I got desperate!” he turned to face Remus, ignoring the freezing water dripping from his face to his school robes, “I know my reason isn’t sound but I just – “ he took in a huge gulp of air and when he talked again, his voice was shaky, “I got desperate.” His shoulders drooped in defeat and he missed Sirius using a drying spell on him.

Remus stared at his friend for a long moment, and then gave him a sympathetic look, “Maybe if you didn’t bully him for attention, it wouldn’t come to this.”

Prongs shot a look of exasperation at him, “I tried Moony! Unless you forgot last year? I tried to become civil. Made everyone leave him alone and what did I get? A shitload of hexes thrown my way for my hard work!” He whined, fisting his hair with both hands and began to pull in frustration. “Do you know how hard it was to stop everyone from calling him _Snivellus_? I had to sacrifice a ton of galleons for it!” Moony rolled his eyes.

 _You’re the one who started calling him that._ Remus thought but didn’t voice it.

“Then why did you stop?”

“Stop what?”

“This year. You started bothering him again. Why did you stop?”

He bit his lower lip and turned away from Remus’ scrutiny, feeling ashamed at the bottom of his stomach, “I needed a reason for him to look my way.”

This time, it was Sirius’ turn to groan, “Prongs, you lovesick idiot.”

He barely stopped himself from flinching, “Don’t say that.” His friend rose an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Idiot?”

He shook his head.

“Love…sick?”

He hesitated before nodding slightly.

“Why?”

Remus’ eyebrows rose in surprise as if he suddenly realized something, “Because he’s afraid that it’s not or will ever be reciprocated.”

James wanted to deny it so badly, to quash the accusation and never talk about it ever again, but something in him wouldn’t let him. So all he did was open his mouth only to close it again when nothing came up.

Moony lightly gasped when everything clicked in his head as to why James has been behaving weirdly since the start of the year, “It’s not just a crush anymore, is it James?” his question was a little above a whisper but it was loud and clear in the quiet and empty bathroom. “Are you in love with him?”

Is he? He wasn’t sure. But thinking about not seeing Snape anymore hurts like a thousand Hippogriffs stomping him down until he is nothing but a heap of crushed bones and melded flesh. And knowing that Snape would **_never_** even acknowledge his existence? That hurt more than he could possibly imagine. He gulped. He wasn’t so sure.

“We should go. Professor McGonagall is going to wonder where we are.” Was his only answer, refusing to look at his other two friends, before passing them to get to the door. They didn’t stop him when he left and followed him mutely from behind.

¤

He wasn’t exactly sure when his crush had started. He remembered liking Lily Evans, the beautiful, fierce and brave red head that’s not afraid to call him on his shit when his pranks got out of hand, for years. But then, Lily came out to everyone about her preferring woman rather than man and proceeded to make out with McKinnon at the Great Hall during lunch after one of James’ shameless and persistent flirting.

A great wave of relief suddenly washed over him at the display, like a burden was lifted off of his shoulder which surprises him a lot. His first thought was, _‘Thank God.’_ and his second thought was,

_‘What about Snape?’_

That thought alone jolted him to look at Snape, and he saw him from across the hall, smiling at Lily. It was the first time he had seen him smile and something in him stirred. Time felt like it was slowing down around him, people were whooping and hollering loudly as the two girls kissed but James couldn’t keep his eyes off of the boy and barely noticed the noise.

Then Snape stopped smiling and James found himself back in reality and turned to look at the girls and cheered along with his house as if he did **_not_** just stared at the prat while thinking, _‘He should smile more. It suits him.’_

After a while, James stopped bothering Lily and in turn – since there was no point for them to fight if Lily doesn’t even fancy blokes, he stopped harassing Snape.

Everything went back to relatively normal but sometimes, James would unintentionally seeks out Snape amongst the crowds out of habit. It would take time for him to realize that he was staring and quickly avert his gaze before anyone noticed. He would see Lily sitting next to her best friend during classes with the Slytherins and his eyes would immediately land on them. He told himself like all the time he stares at them that he’s looking at Lily and only at Lily, with her black hair, and black eyes, and pale skin, and petite form and – he quickly looked away and forced himself to focus on the blackboard even when he was itching to just _look._

Afterwards, he began to notice little details about Snape. Like the way he makes potions during class, methodical and accurate ( _almost like art_ , he mindlessly thought with his chin on the palm of his hand, just watching. Until his own potion started to sizzle and he had to redo the whole thing all over again.), like how his delicate fingers would tuck his hair on the back of his ear whenever he has to look inside the cauldron to make sure the colour is just right. Or that he would shy away from crowds but would run towards Regulus or Lily with a little bounce in his step.

With every new information James got about him, the more giddy he gets and the more he began to associate Snape with words like, _adorable, endearing, breathtaking._ And that freaked him out and he had to remind himself about how hideous and slimy and gross the other boy is _but that’s the thing_ , he told himself, _he’s not all of those._

One night, he dreamt about black hair and wondered how it would feel like if he ran his fingers through it, dark eyes and have that eyes look at him with happiness and longing instead of anything malicious, slim waist and how good it feels when he slid his hands on them, sharp tongue and how delicious it would taste like in his mouth, and silky voice and how it would sound like moaning and gasping his name as he pound into – he woke up.

It started small and his feelings only intensified when he saw Severus giving private small smiles at Lily or Regulus and he ached for the same treatment. So the Gryffindor in him did the only logical thing and approached him. He didn’t get a single word out when Severus threw the first hex.

Weeks passed by with him desperately trying to get his crush’s attention to only appear empty handed. He made more effort than he would have done to woo Lily. Made everyone stop harassing him, paid anyone to stop calling him Snivellus and regretted calling him that in the first place, and beaten up anyone that looks at him the wrong way. He got a couple of detentions because of it but it was worth it seeing how relaxed (even if it was just slightly) Severus looked and how nice it was to see him in a good mood.

James smiled, marveling at the fact that it doesn’t feel forced whenever he does things like this just to impress the Slytherin. It was different for Lily, usually when it comes to her, it felt forced, like he was trying to achieve everybody’s expectation of him. Maybe because it did. He likes Lily but he never really like **_like_** her. She’s beautiful and amazing and James is handsome and great and it makes sense to pursue her and start a family with her but it never truly felt right.

He pondered on the girl he met on the train years ago and realized, he never really noticed her at all. All he saw was Severus Snape, the boy with skin as white as snow, with eyes as dark as a bottomless pit that couldn’t help but draws you in, with a dainty body that you could easily grab and cuddle close to your chest. It took him a long time to notice the small girl with fiery red hair, clinging to the other’s arm with a huge smile. A spark of jealousy lighted itself inside of James and he hated the feeling.

At that moment, he doesn’t know that he likes guys too, so whenever he sees Severus with Lily, he became green with envy and set up a task to get her away from him, even if he has to date her himself. He bullied Severus and made his life hell just because, _just because_ he couldn’t understand why this boy makes him so happy and excited by just being in the same room as him and it made him feel disgusted to feel that way towards a _**boy**_.

Everything became a flurry of hexes and insults for years between them and when Lily came out of the figurative closet. It was like James got his first taste of fresh air and his world finally righted itself.

“Sooo… when did you start fancying Snivellus?” James looked up at Padfoot, who was laying down on his stomach on his own bed across from him, a pillow tucked under him, eyeing down a piece of parchment with a quill in his hand. He glared at him but he didn’t show any sign that he even noticed it.

“Don’t call him that.”

“Hmmmm.”

James had told Padfoot first before telling Moony and Wormtail. He was scared shitless and procrastinated for the longest time until it became too unbearable to keep it hidden and confessed about his feelings towards the Slytherin on a late afternoon. At first he thought that Padfoot would make a fuss about it, accusing Snape for using Love potions or spells or even used the Imperius Curse on him. But he surprised him with a quiet “oh,” and said, “That explains a lot.”

He didn’t understand what he meant so he asked.

Sirius shrugged a shoulder and sniggered, “You’re always watching him since first year.”

He wondered if his friends knew he fancies both birds and blokes long before he does.

And when he told Moony about it, he gave him an understanding smile and said, “Me too.” And that was the day he found out Remus swings both ways too.

He knew **_exactly_** when his crush started but he doesn’t actually knows when it progressed into something more.

Everyday became a challenge for James, every time he tries to get one step closer towards his love, Severus took ten steps away from him. But James is a Gryffindor through and through and he never gives up pursuing what he wants without a proper fight and he **_wants_** Severus.

He tried and tried and _tried_ until the Shrieking Shack incident happened and his world tilted once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i might need to change the tag and the summary cuz im not entirely sure how to proceed with the kidnapping and such lol


	3. Chapter 3

Nobody picked Severus up from King’s Cross, which he already expected as much. He wordlessly clutched his trunk and hauled it towards the direction of the bus station to buy a bus ticket to Cokeworth, from there he can walk himself to Spinner’s End to get to his house. Luckily he has some muggle money on him from Lily’s mom during his many visits to her house – _‘for emergencies’_ she had said to him while handing him a small envelop filled with a decent amount of cash, smiling down at him with kind and understanding eyes. The walk home after was dreadful, his trunk was heavy, the sun’s heat beating on his back side was making him sweat uncomfortably, and his only good coat was weighing him down. By the time he arrived in front of his door step, he was exhausted and wanted to do nothing but sleep all day.

  
He contemplated on knocking but thought better of it. He doesn’t want to catch his father’s attention, assuming if he’s not in a nameless pub somewhere getting shitfaced drunk right now. Taking a step back, he walked to the potted plant – with an already dead brownish plant in it – near the side of the house (almost hidden from view so that his father wouldn’t see it in his drunken state.) to grab the spare key his mother had hid under it whenever he went out too long to meet with Lily and had to sneak back inside without getting a beating from his old man. The door clicked open, and as silent as he could while pulling a large trunk onto creaking old planks of woods his house is made of, he went inside.

  
The house reeked of expired foods and alcohol, Severus almost gagged and his eyes watered from the assault to his sense of smell. Couldn’t stand the awful stench, Severus covered his nose and mouth with the collar of his shirt and looked around the house. There were empty alcohol bottles littered everywhere in the living room and some on the kitchen table. He could barely make out the sofa that was buried under empty beer bottles and cans, and crumpled newspapers – his father must’ve used the newspapers to wipe off the vomit… or other body fluids from the couch. Stepping over beer cans to get to the kitchen, Severus noticed the unwashed dishes in the sink and dirty laundry at the corner of the kitchen. There were expired foods in the fridge and upon closer inspection, the foods were covered in fungus. The bathroom wasn’t any better either. There were moss at some corners of the bathroom and it looked like nobody has used it in weeks.

  
Suddenly feeling worried, he went up the stairs to his parents’ room to find it empty. The room was dusty and cobwebs hung high and low in the room and on the bed, indicating it hasn’t been used in a while. His father must’ve stayed in a motel somewhere since there was no one to clean the place after his mother died and him leaving the house to stay at Hogwarts. He sighed. Guess he has to start tidying the place up if he wants the house to be at least habitable for him and his aggravating father.

  
He set his trunk in his old room and searched for a clean shirt to tie up around his neck to cover his nose and mouth from inhaling dusts and the possible toxic fumes his father left behind. He started opening every window of the house to get some ventilation in and began working through getting rid of the trash. Against popular belief, he actually likes clean spaces and cleanliness in general. Usually it was him that cleans after himself and his father, and helps his mother with chores. The only time he does feel dirty is during Potions classes, his hair doesn’t work well with the fumes and resulting it to be oily for the rest of the day – and getting ridiculed because of it, he thought bitterly.

  
He frowned, midway from scrubbing off some leftover gunk stuck at the side of the inner fridge, his deceptive brain decided to reminisce his loathsome school days. He wouldn’t miss the place that’s for bloody sure. He had imagined himself leaving the moment he met the Marauders. His survival instincts screamed at him the moment he was placed within the snakes. Everything there shouted bad news the first time the teachers turned a blind eye when the Slytherins were shunned just for being children of a Pureblood, admittedly bigoted, family lineage. He wasn’t an exception either, it seemed. Somehow the teachers there never caught the Marauders’ heinous acts upon their classmates. Either they were extremely bad at their job or that the Marauders was as sneaky and conniving than they let on. Hardly unlikely the later of the two options.

  
Severus scoffed at nothing. Scrubbing off the stubborn ooze inside the fridge with renewed vigor, imagining the faces of his infuriating tormentors in the fungus’ place.

  
_‘Fuck them,’_ his shoulders ached from the repeated scrubbing, _‘fuck them all to hell.’_

  
Wiping off the angry tears welling in his eyes with his shoulders, he threw the sponge to the ground when the greenish substance refused to disappear anytime soon.

  
_‘I’m glad I left.’_

  
He wasn’t trying to convince anyone but himself.

  
It hasn’t been a day and he already missed his two closest friends. Missed the Hogwarts’ library where he would always take refuge just to read and learn and have fun in his own way. The Potions class – even if Professor Slughorn was his least favourite, if at all, professor in school, he still missed it. He missed the foods there, the sweet, the spicy and the mouth watering meals they served that made him the fullest he has ever been. The comfy mattress and the coolness of the common room. The magic. He would, above all – except for his only friends – miss the magic.

  
He didn’t even have the chance to test out his newest creation. A spell that he had worked his arse off day and night to perfect it. So others like himself can use it for self defense.

  
_‘Sectumsempra.’_ He mindlessly mouthed, hands busy doing the dishes while his eyes, clouded with regret and self pity, stared down at the running water, not really looking.

  
He admits that he isn’t the most charitable and had made such a spell only for himself when trouble arises at his four directions, but if one day he got recognized for a spell that could be benefitted by the Ministry, he wouldn’t mind taking credit for it.

  
He froze, blinking away his haze. What was he doing? He can’t think about the wizarding world anymore. He already chose his path, already carved a way to his new future. Thinking about the past would only make him weaker, more dependent over the what-ifs in his life. He’s a muggle now. He lives in a muggle world and _**he’s a muggle now**_. With a muggle home, a muggle dad, a muggle life. He needed to get use to it. Because this is where he’s going to be for the next decades of his life. No Marauders, no terrible teachers, no horrible housemates, no biased old headmasters. No one to hurt him anymore aside from Tobias, but he was no trouble to get away from once he can afford his own apartment and get his own job. And Severus isn’t like his mother, he has a backbone and could reciprocate a punch if he needs to. It’s not going to be a problem. If anything, leaving Hogwarts, the hellhole of witchcraft and wizardry, eradicates almost all the problems in his life. He could live with this. He has been fighting all his life since he was a toddler, and this new choice he made is only another battlefield he has to barrel through like a tank.

  
“I’m a muggle.” He whispered low to himself amongst the clanking sound of dinner plates. “There’s no such thing as magic. I’m a muggle. I’m _**normal**_.”

  
¤

  
**_“JAMES FLEAMONT POTTER!!”_ **

  
James nearly toppled over from his seat out of shock when he heard his name shrieked at the top of someone’s lungs. He was about to look up from his chicken wings but couldn’t when someone grabbed the back of his collar and quiet literally dragged him – and quiet frankly chocking him – out of the Great Hall. All eyes were on him and his assailant but he couldn’t focus on them when he’s trying to keep **_breathing_**.

  
When they let go, he gasped and coughed. “Dammit Evans, what the fu-“ a slap to his left cheek cut him short from his cursing.

  
“How dare you, Potter, proclaiming you were in love with Sev. ** _How fucking dare you._** ” Behind her, James could see the sheepish look of Moony and the shocked expression of Padfoot. _Ah, Moony must’ve told her_. He honestly should be mad about it. His friend revealed his darkest secret and betrayed his trusts. What kinda friend does that? But then again, he wasn’t a prime example of friendship either if yesterday night had anything to go by.

His cheek stung and he was sure that the slap left a bright red hand print on his cheek. “Not were, Evans. **_Are_**. I am **_still_** in love with him.” He argued, in a showcase of bravery or stupidity, he wasn’t sure. And _oh. He really is in love with Severus._ That puts a different perspective on things for him. _… Crap_.

  
The red head bristled and if looks could kill, she would’ve already murdered James in cold blood by now. “Just give it up already, Potter! Sev is not even here anymore. Stop with your dumb pranks and leave him alone!”

  
“It’s not a prank!” he defended.

  
“Then what? You expect me to believe you’re in love with my best friend? The guy you’ve harassed and publicly humiliated for years since the moment we met? Don’t make me laugh.” She wasn’t laughing, if anything she looked like she’s seconds from casting an Unforgiveable on him.

  
Remus came between the two of them, acting as the mediator. “Lily please. We can explain.”

  
Much faster than anyone could expect from her, she delivered a similar, painful slap on Remus’ cheek. “You’ve explained enough, you monster.” She whipped around, smacking her thick red locks onto Sirius’ face as she left.

  
“Damn. If she wasn’t bent I would’ve gone after her too.” Sirius said, rubbing his nose to ease the pain. He earned a glare from James for the comment.

  
“So… you told her?” James couldn’t help but asked.

  
Moony, with his hand on the visible red mark on his cheek, nodded. “I wanted to ask her where Snape lived so you could make amends. She didn’t take it well so I had to explain it to her about your infatuation and clearly she didn’t take that too well either.”

  
Prongs was momentarily touched by his friend’s effort.

  
“Well since Evans wasn’t any help. I have the next best thing!” Padfoot came closer to them and fished out a folded parchment with his wand at the ready. “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”

  
¤

  
By the time the sun sets, Severus managed to clean the house from top to bottom making it look at least presentable and comfortable to live in. His stomach grumbled when he was toweling himself dry after a good long shower. He was definitely hungry but there was no food in the fridge let alone any in the kitchen cabinets for him to whip out a quick meal. He pursed his lips in thought. He still has some muggle money left, and the convenient store wasn’t that far from his house, a short five minutes walk. Putting on a shirt and pants, he decided to buy something to eat before his old man arrives from the pub and ruin the rest of his night. He grabbed his coat from the disfigured coat rack his mother insisted on buying because it was the cheapest in the yard sale their neighbor could offer.

  
Cold air hit him the moment he stepped outside and when he looked up to the sky, he admired the beautiful shade of orange and dark blue, and the moon peeking out from its hiding place, working its way on replacing the sun. Tightening the coat around him, he strolled towards the convenient store. On the way there, he wondered how he was going to tell his father that he quitted school after a terrible prank involving a werewolf, two of his high school bullies and an incompetent headmaster. He was certain the discussion wouldn’t be pretty since his dad hates any mention of magic.

  
He wondered if he could obliviate his father so that he could evade the consequence of his actions – or his existence more like, change his memory a little, mostly about having a wizard son. Replacing it with memories of a normal son with a normal life. He scowled and kicked a lone pebble off the road. Who was he kidding? He can’t do magic outside of Hogwarts. He’s a minor! And he doesn’t even have a wand to cast a memory charm on a **_muggle_**. Even if he could do wandless magic, memory charm is tricky even **_with_** a wand.

  
The bell chimed when he stepped inside the tiny store. Swiftly grabbing a bag of chips, two protein bars and three cups of instant noodles. He laid them on the counter and after a bit of thinking, grabbed a can of instant coffee. No one was manning the cash register so he waited for the owner. Meanwhile, he calculated his payment in his head and took out his wallet from his pocket to pay, as he did so he also pulled out a folded piece of paper along with his wallet.

  
It was the note Potter left in the train. He must’ve forgotten to throw it away.

  
He had little interest in reading it, considering it was from his nemesis, but he would admit he was a little curious about Potter’s recent behavior. He would understand him giving back his wand, probably to gloat over Severus’ defeat, to remind him who was truly the victor by showing him his splintered wand. The apology was another story, he would never forgive Potter for the years of bullying he had to endure. It was probably a prank of some sort, a sick way for him to stomp Severus further into the ground if he even considered accepting the apology. The note was also one of Potter’s oddities, he didn’t understand why Potter even bothered harassing him when he clearly had already won the battle they’ve established since first year.

  
Maybe there was a hidden hex in the note that would catch Severus by surprise when he opens it, but that would risk an investigation by the ministry and would trail Potter’s magic to his wand. A minor using magic outside of school is illegal in the wizarding world. Unless Potter had learned wandless magic, being a Pureblood and all and decided to show off to Severus in his own sadistic way to prove he was better than the **_slimy git_** in any possible way. Or maybe it was filled with insults, maybe it was a howler, screaming taunts and mockery at him.

  
He groaned. Dammit, now he had made himself curious over the content of the note. Regardless of how unpleasant the possibilities were for him.

  
_Curiosity killed the cat they always say._

  
Against his better judgement, he opened the folded paper, albeit with extreme hesitance, leaning backwards away from it if it was actually a hex aimed at him. He waited with his eyes scrunched tightly close until…

  
Nothing.

  
He opened his eyes.

  
No stinging hex or a flipendo, or a curse to his being, or a screaming howler right up in his face. Just… a harmless piece of parchment paper folded neatly by a Chaser’s hand with clear rounded writings on it.

  
_“Dear Severus,”_ it said.

  
_“I wanted to apologize for the night’s incident. It wasn’t my intention to cause you any harm. Believe it or not, I’d prefer you very much alive and well rather than dead by a werewolf’s hands. I came to return you your wands and of course, to apologize and if possible, to try and convince you to stay at Hogwarts. Clearly I wasn’t successful on the last one which I greatly expected it. I also didn’t mean to drive you away from school, I mean, you’ve always been a stubborn bloke and had never backed down from a fight before. So I assumed you’d get back up on your feet and starts putting me in my place. It was my fault for not thinking that what happened yesterday wouldn’t be your final straw and I regretted what we did immensely. And about your wand, I know how poor your family is and that you can’t afford it at the moment, but I’m willing to take responsibility and provide you with a new one! It would be amazing if you’d owl me back your response and it would be terrific if you’d agree. Sincerely, James Potter.”_

  
After reading its content, Severus screamed, “Urghh!!” as he crumpled the paper and shredding it into small uneven pieces and let it fall onto the hard cemented ground out of sheer anger.

  
Who the hell does Potter thinks he is!? What does he expect from him? To come crawling back to his tormentor after the heartfelt written apology? An apology that meant jack shit to Severus when he literally almost got him killed. Who does he think he’s fooling? Severus knows this arsehole from years of experience. James Potter was and will always be a jerk of the highest degree in his book. He has everything Severus doesn’t, families and friends that adored him, money that he could buy people to wipe his arse with, expensive and comfortable clothes he could flaunt around like he was the king of the world, and looks that could win the hearts of many. He was spoilt with riches and love and yet he was a fucking dick and that pisses Severus off to no end.

  
Potter had already firmly landed on top of Severus' hate list, under Tobias Snape, and he’s not changing that anytime soon, or ever at all. And Potter wanted to buy him a new wand? What a fucking joke. Going back to the wizarding world only to meet back with his enemy already raised a million red flags in his head. He was wandless and without the aid of magic but he wasn’t a bloody charity case for arrogant spoilt brattish Gryffindor that refused to leave him the hell alone even when their lives will never correlate with one another anymore since he had chosen his path on becoming a regular muggle.

  
He didn’t realize he was glaring at the shredded parchment as if it was the bane of his existence until it bursts into flames.

  
“Shit!” he staggered away from the fire and gawked at it. _Did – did he just do accidental magic?_

  
“HEY KID WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!?” an angry shout snapped him out of his stupor and the next thing he knew, he was engulfed in white smoke.

  
Blinking away the whiteness and coughing out the intrusion, he saw an old asian woman, maybe in her mid-50s with long greyish black hair tied in a messy bun, dressed in a salmon pink loose cardigan over a white shirt and in a navy blue leggings. She was standing in front of him with a deep scowl and with a portable fire extinguisher in her hands.

  
They had a short stare down, right until she shot him with the extinguisher again did he lost. “No. Smoking. In. My. Store!”

  
“I’m sorry, I – dammit lady, stop shooting at me!”

  
She harrumphed in indignation and threw a broom at Severus in which he – rather clumsily – caught it. “Clean this mess up kid. Don’t your parents teach you any manners?” he glared back at her.

  
“They do. Don’t yours teach you proper work etiquette?”

  
She shot him again.

  
¤

  
When James blinked his eyes open, the first thing he saw was the ceiling.

  
“Fuck Reg,” at the corner of his eyes, he saw Sirius sat up from the floor next to him, “where the hell did you learn how to fight like that?”

  
“Severus taught me. You know, the guy that you tortured for your constant amusement?” Regulus glowered, glaring menacingly down at them with his wand trained in front of him for another attack.

  
James’ brain finally caught up to him when he glanced up at the tip of the other Black’s wand pointed at his face. He remembered him and his friends hunting down Regulus to gain some information of Severus’ whereabouts, and when they did find him, he remembered being hexed mercilessly by him and being thrown to the ground like a sack of potato with Padfoot flying above him from the same treatment by Regulus. Turns out the younger Black heard from Lily about their plan and instead of hiding away to avoid the interrogation, Regulus went to confront them himself.

  
“Why do you want to know where Severus lives?” He asked.

  
James blinked again, still laying on the ground. “I want to apologize.”

  
Regulus barked a harsh laugh. “Apologize? I don’t think you have the right Potter.”

  
Before James could quip back, Remus came to the rescue. With his hand holding onto Regulus’ arm to stop him. James noticed that Regulus didn’t fling Moony’s entire body across the room like what he did to him and his own brother. Remus whispered something to Regulus and Regulus shot the boy an incredulous look. Reluctantly, he lets James go – he didn’t notice that Regulus was holding him down with his foot on his chest which was why he couldn’t get up until the pressure on his chest was gone.

  
He slowly stood up and bit down a pained moan, while Sirius groaned obnoxiously loud as he got up on his feet.

  
“Start talking.” Regulus commanded, narrowing his eyes into dangerous slits.  
Prongs shifted his gaze to Remus, who was standing much too close to Regulus with his hand clasping around Regulus’ wand hand, simultaneously keeping him from hurting his friends. Not going to ask about their close and intimate proximity, James complied.

  
“I genuinely want to apologize to Severus.” He ignored the way Regulus raised his eyebrow at him for using Snape’s given name. “I… am sure Lily told you about my feelings for him?”

  
“She told me you claimed having romantic feelings for our mutual friend, yes.”

  
“She’s not wrong.”

  
The younger Black let out an impatient huff, “Potter, this might come as a surprise but I already know.”

  
“What? How?” for a second he suspected that Lily wasn’t the only one Remus told his secret to.

  
“You weren’t exactly subtle. Severus noticed the consistent staring too but he’d rather eat his own shorts than admit it was directed at him.”

  
James flushed a Gryffindor red, “Oh.”

  
Reg rolled his eyes, “What I want to know is why you REALLY want to see him. We both know he absolutely despises you. Your apology is nothing to him, so whatever you’re going to tell him will meet with open hostility, whether you’re sincere or not. I don’t see the point of you seeing him again.” He yanked his hand from Remus’ grip and crossed his arms against his chest. Remus pouted and both Animagi stared between the two in bewilderment.

  
Still looking a little confused, James started slowly, eyeing Remus suspiciously as if trying to understand something incredibly obvious, “I didn’t mean to make him leave, I just wanted to gain his attention – “

  
“By sending him to a werewolf so you can obtain a life debt from him?” Regulus quickly interrupted, looking down at his nails, completely unfazed.

  
The Animagi’s eyes grew comically wide, while Remus flinched at his words. “He knew!?” Padfoot asked their friend. All three friends knew it wasn’t just the life debt he was referring to. 

 

Moony gave a helpless shrug, “He’s my boyfriend, of course I had to tell him.” then he went rigid over the slip up.

  
“HE’S YOUR WHAT!?” he turned his head so fast at his baby brother that James was afraid he might’ve given himself whiplash. “WHEN THE **_FUCK_** DID THAT HAPPEN!?”

  
“It’s none of your business who I date, Sirius.”

  
“None of my – I’m your brother! Of fucking course it’s my business, especially if you’re dating my best friend!”

  
“It stopped being your business when you left our family!”

  
“I didn’t _leave_ , I was **_disowned_**!”

  
“Well who’s fault – “

  
“ENOUGH!!” Their bickering would bound to catch the attention of a Professor making their routine rounds around the school ground, not to mention wasting precious time when he needed to get answers about Severus. “Look. I know you’re pissed. I don’t give a shit who you date – no Pads, you can talk it out with Moony later, but I really need Severus’ address so I can talk to him, and yes I know he hates me and I know I don’t deserve forgiveness but I’m still going to at least **_try_**.”

  
Regulus was about to open his mouth to retort a probably rude comment or to decline his request but the look of pure anguish on James’ face made him swallow back his remark. Instead he asked, “What are you going to do when you see him, besides apologizing?”

  
Raking his hands into his unkempt hair – looking far more disheveled than ordinary, probably due to the stress he was feeling, “I’m going to ask him to come back.”

  
“Surely it won’t work if it’s coming from you.”

  
James nearly whimpered from the sad truth, “ ** _Please._** ” He pleaded.

  
Regulus studied him for a moment with cold calculating eyes and James fought back the urge to squirm under his gaze. After a long nerve wrecking minute, Regulus nodded. “Alright.”

  
James felt so elated he could hug the kid. Padfoot and Moony looked equally relieved for him as their shoulders sagged.

  
“But,” the other held up his hand, “if I found out you’re as much as a prick outside of school as the inside, I’ll use all of my powers to make sure you’ll be expelled and make your family’s life a living hell.” He stated with upmost certainty.

  
Knowing full well that the younger Black wasn't joking, the Chaser gulped nervously and gave him a jerky nod, “Okay.”

  
¤

  
Severus was sweeping the ashes out of the mini store and when he looked out the transparent glass door, he noticed that it was already night time.

  
“Aren’t you a little too young to be smoking?” the old lady asked him behind the register, punching in Severus’ purchase.

  
Thankfully the owner – who’s name Severus found out from the name tag on her shirt, Tung-Mei, thought that he was smoking and dropped the still lit cigarette onto the ground which caused a small fire to spread in her tiny shop. He was grateful that the store was deserted of other customers when that happened.

  
He bit down a comment about her being too old to run a shop and gave her a dirty look, “I’m 16.”

  
“You don’t look like one.” Curse his short stature.

  
He growled and leaned the broom against the wall, “I’m done.” He grumbled, walking to the counter for his stuff. He paid and when he turned to leave, he saw a help wanted sign next to the cash register. He wanted to ask if she was hiring but his eyes shifted to the clock on the wall and immediately sobered. It was late and his father would be back any minute.

  
He ran like his life depends on it and when he got back, there was no sign of anyone home. He wondered maybe he should go and pick up his drunken dad from the pub or the motel somewhere but then his ungrateful father would gift him with his daily dose of beatings and Severus doesn’t find that appealing at all.

  
He ate his ramen alone and went to sleep.

  
¤

  
Severus woke up with a jolt. Somebody was knocking on the door. It wasn’t Tobias – if it was, the house would quake under all the banging and yelling – but Severus still felt the all too familiar feeling of foreboding approaching him just behind the door. He shook off the feeling and got up. He was about to grab his wand on the nightstand beside his bed to cast a _tempus_ to check what time it was until he remembered that he couldn’t. He frowned at his wand and then looked up to his window. The sun rays were peeking out from the thin curtains but Severus couldn’t possibly speculate what time it truly was. Whoever was on the other side was persistent to annoy Severus with their incessant knocking. Despite being an early bird, he is not a morning person. Reluctantly and barely awake, he shuffled down the stairs towards the door.

  
Before he reached for the doorknob, he asked, “Who is it?”

  
“It’s us Severus. Let us in!” A familiar voice replied from outside his house.

  
_Oh no._

  
His heartbeat sped and his hands became clammy.

  
_Why did he even answer!? He should’ve just went back to sleep and pretend that no one was home._

  
The person still knocked and knocked and _knocked_ and Severus knew they won’t stop until he invite them in. He squared his shoulders and did just that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry i kept on editing chapter 4 cuz there were sm mistakes

The hot kettle screamed as soon as it was ready and Severus felt the need to scream too. He was making tea for his three guests and even though he was tempted to kick them out to save himself the trouble, he doesn’t want to come across as rude and unwelcoming especially towards _the_ _Evans_. They were a kind bunch (save for Petunia Evans who was looking around his house with such distaste that Severus had half a mind to throw the boiling water at her.) and cared for him like he was their own but he didn’t want to explain himself to them as to why he was at Cokeworth and not at school, it would feel like he was disappointing another set of parental figures in his life and he didn’t even tell Tobias yet.

He placed their tea on the kitchen table in front of them and tried his best not to tip the hot tea on Petunia’s dress. “So Severus, how are things for you lately?” Mr. Evans asked, taking a sip of the tea.

Severus fumbled with the hem of his shirt nervously, “Fine.” He inwardly winced at his clipped tone. He didn’t know how to answer him. Truthfully, he felt tired and twitchy and depressed recently – far more than usual, but he can’t possibly tell them that.

Instead of being offended by Severus’ short reply, he gave him a patient smile. “We heard about your leave Severus, from Lily’s letter. I’m just sorry we didn’t get the letter fast enough. Have you eaten?”

Mrs. Evans startled Severus when she gasped, “Oh dear, you poor child. You mustn’t had any proper meals since yesterday I assumed? You must be starving!” she exclaimed, appalled. Severus was about to tell her that he did ate but he had ramen the previous night and he didn’t think Mrs. Evans would be too happy about what he considered a meal. The older woman stood up to get to the living room and when she got back, she was holding a basket with a cloth over it. By the delicious smell coming from it, Severus knew what it was even before she told him, “I made you shepherd’s pie. I was about to make you your favourite pecan pie but we didn’t have the proper ingredients and I didn’t have the time to buy them when we got Lily’s letter.” She uncovered the basket and set the pie down on the table.

Severus was about to decline her offer, face flushing a little pink. He didn’t want to feel like he was intruding on them despite they were inside his own house but his empty stomach betrayed him by rumbling loudly in protest. Mrs. Evans practically beamed at his obvious hunger and immediately served him and her family each a slice of her homemade pie. The two adults waited for him to start eating – while Tuney ate her pie in silence, ignoring Severus’ presence which was a blessing – before they dug into their own slices.

The raven haired boy ate as slowly as possible, stretching the inevitable conversation as long as he can and when their plates were empty and cleaned, Severus couldn’t help fidget on his chair under the eyes of Lily’s parents. The homey feeling when they were snacking was replaced with something more serious and urgent and it made him tensed in his seat. Mr. Evans broke the uncomfortable silence by clearing his throat to gain Severus’ attention.

“Severus,” he started, “have you heard anything about Tobias?” Severus went completely rigid at the mention of his useless father. No he hasn’t. He did find it weird that he hasn’t seen him since yesterday and the fact that the whole house looked abandoned for ages did regard Severus as odd. Now he knew something bad must’ve happened, if his father was involved. He shook his head.

Lily’s parents looked at each other and then back at him. “Severus honey, there’s no pleasant way to say this but Tobias Snape is charged for convicted murder.” Mrs. Evans said, eyeing Severus carefully, searching his face for a reaction.

Severus’ heart nearly stopped beating when she delivered the news. His father? A murderer? It wasn’t supposed to surprise him as much as it did considering how violent his father was when he got drunk and angry and he was **_always_** drunk and angry. He knew his dad was a complete bastard but a murderer?

Mr. Evans took the silence as his permission for him to continue, “He killed six people in a nightclub seven months ago. The police said that he was armed with a gun and when questioned, it was a hate crime against… those that prefers the company of the same sex.” As it turns out, Tobias Snape was abusive, a drunkard, a murderer and now a fucking homophobe. He’s learning new shit everyday.

The former Slytherin didn’t know what to say about that. For a second, he considered himself lucky his old man didn’t know about his sexual preference (apparently he was the literal embodiment of what his father hates the most.), but the thought of his father slaughtering others – even if he did anticipated his old man killing him off in his drunken rage at one point – gave him an awful chill right down to his toes.

He imagined the fear those people had to suffer under his father’s hands. Imagined the way his father came barreling through the club and kill the innocents. He imagined his father doing that to him, beating him senseless before killing him with a sharp knife they have in the kitchen counter, and he didn’t realize that the thought of his father in his hateful fury would trigger him when a memory of a giant werewolf filled his head, growling and clawing and ready to pounce and – the next thing he knew, he suddenly found himself in the Shrieking Shack again.

His breathing came out ragged and agonizingly fast, his knees nearly buckled under him and strong tremors ran down his small body. He scratched at his throat to remind himself to breathe when he saw black dots forming at the corner of his eyes. He saw the wolf at the center of the shack, pacing and pacing and **_staring_** at him like he was a full coursed meal. He wanted to run, he really, really, **_really_** wanted to run but his legs refused to listen and it felt like somebody nailed his feet to the ground. And when the wolf started to inch closer, he choked on his screams –

His visions blurred and suddenly he was in front of the Evans again, gripping the side of his chair like a lifeline. He was sweating but he schooled his expression to remain calm. He noticed the man’s mouth was moving, and he strained his ears to listen over the sound of his blood rushing in his veins. “He has been sentenced a life time in prison.”

He blinked once and saw Tobias with his belt, screaming profanities at him. He saw his mom on the ground in the pool of her own blood, crawling her way towards Severus, and when his father strikes him with the belt, Eileen scrambled to block the blow with her own body but before it hit her, Severus was in the kitchen again, staring at the remaining of Mrs. Evans homemade pie.

Sometime during Mr. Evans’ speech, Severus stopped listening and breathing altogether. Though he heard bits and pieces of it during his flashbacks to make sense of it.

“… won’t… home…” _Your father won’t be home for a really long time._

“… help… paid…bills…rent…” _We want to help you when you get back home so we paid for the water and electric bills, as well as rent._

“here…stay… us.” _You don’t have to be here anymore, stay with us instead._

Severus knew he was having a bloody **_panic_ _attack_** in front of the only people he could call as his family, but it wasn’t like he can help himself.

He heard the sound of the wolf’s growl at the back of his mind and vaguely heard the sound of Eileen’s screaming. Then the sound of other people screaming for dear life when his father put a bullet in their heads.

He needed them out of his house **_right_ _fucking_ _now_**. He bit the inside of his cheek so that he could focus on the pain instead of the feeling of impending doom that gripped his heart like a vice. He tasted blood and remembered himself. He **_breathed_** and tried not to appear like he was seconds from breaking down.

“Thank you for the offer, Mr. and Mrs. Evans but I don’t mind staying here.” Somehow his voice remained even despite the raging storm occupying his head.

He saw them frowned, and everything around him shifted and Potter’s face appeared in front of his, looking worried and frantic and scared. The boy stood between him and the beast, and yanked him out of the shack with incredible speed. He felt Potter’s iron grip around his hand and felt the wind against his pale skin. He heard Potter’s heavy pants with his own and somewhere behind him, he heard a howl.

There were voices in his head, sounded so far away and so much like his best friend’s parents, insisting him to stay with them but he didn’t understand why he was hearing things when he was breezing through the forest for his life. He then heard gunshots and the hand holding his wasn’t Potter’s but his mother instead and they were running. Running from the big bad man with black hair and large nose who hated magic and called them freaks and –

The sound of glass shattering made him come to. He heard Petunia calling him a freak and saw the concerned faces of her parents. The tea he served dripped down from the table to the floor and there were broken glasses everywhere.

‘ _Oh no_ , _’_ he thought, _‘mother’s favourite tea set.’_

The horse faced Tuney shouted something at him, something vulgar probably – he wasn’t really listening, he was too busy staring solemnly at the broken teacups on the kitchen floor, it was his mother’s favourite and he ruined it, like how he ruined everything good in his life – and left. Mrs. Evans stood up and walked around the table to comfort him but Severus didn’t let her. He was exhausted and wanted to be left alone.

“Please leave. I need to clean this mess.” He said, standing up to go to the sink and soaked an old rag with cold water to clean the tea off the table and floor. Mrs. Evans looked like she wanted to argue but her husband stopped her and steered her out the door, closing it behind him.

Severus turned the water off and just stood there in the middle of the kitchen for what felt like hours.

 _He needed a long nap_. He decided and went upstairs to sleep.

He would deal with the mess later.

¤

Life wasn’t so bad in the muggle world for Severus. For once in his life, Severus felt almost akin to happiness. Four months ago, after the news about his father’s crime that led him to a life time of imprisonment, Severus slept all day and sometimes, he would wake up from nightmares of his father – whether his father was hurting him or his mother, or killing off faceless group of people, or both – and the werewolf – that managed to sneak up behind him and bit the back of his neck until he heard a sickening crack – in a state of panic, hyperventilating and crying and muffling the noises against his thin pillowcase. Then he would black out again from his panic attack and the process repeated itself until he was wide awake the next day.

He stopped thinking and blocked anything related to Tobias and the wizarding world after that. He cleaned his kitchen from the shards and the sticky dried tea and went out in search of a job. He needed a plan, he can’t always rely on the Evans in terms of money, they had already covered the bills and rent for him for months and he couldn’t possibly ask for more.

He got a job at the nearby convenient store (he needed a job that doesn’t need a lot of upper body strength, he tried applying for a job as a construction worker because it pays well but he was weak and couldn’t afford a life insurance if anything bad happens to him.), he only works there on weekdays and during weekends, the Evans made an effort to visit him to see if he was okay – except for Tuney, who doesn’t give a crap about him, which was okay because he doesn’t give a flying fuck about that troll either – and still tried to persuade him to stay with them and he always decline the generous offer.

Life was treating him well and it was good enough for an orphan and a drop out like him. He had a job, had an almost family with Lily’s parents, established a bond with Tung-Mei (he calls her old hag and she calls him brat and both knew there was no malice in them.) and has a house all to himself. And for a moment, Severus just simply forgets about the years of abuse he suffered, forgets about the school he attended, forgets about the bullies he fought and most of all, he forgets about **_himself_** , and he was okay with it. It felt blissful to just live in the moment and just **_forget_**.

Severus blearily looked over at the calendar on the fridge. It’s Friday today and tomorrow starts the holiday for the end of the semester for his old school.

 _‘Maybe Lily would come visit me.’_ His mood brightened a little and he smiled all the way to the store for work.

¤

It has been months since James got the address from Regulus. It wasn’t that he was scared to see Severus again – okay maybe a little but he was more excited than scared – but he had to wait until the holidays arrived. He had a feeling that he needed more than a day to try and convince Severus to return to Hogwarts and he needed the time to think of his apology, he even listed down all the shit he had done in the past to apologize for – it was a long list and Moony helped him wrote down things he didn’t realize made him so much of a jerk. And Hogwarts’ staffs doesn’t let their students run around the muggle world during school days either. Time passed and finally, the day has come for him to see his love again.

James packed the stuff he needed to go to Severus’ house. A couple of shirts and pants and a jacket or two, he brought his toiletries and the books he wanted to gift Severus with and some sweets he remembered Severus liked as his peace offering. He threw in his boxers and undershirts, and shoved it into his red travel bag – which was charmed to accommodate more items than it lets on. He stood to look at his work and gave himself a mental pat on the back once he was satisfied with what he saw. He still has three hours until he needs to leave and time couldn’t go fast enough for his liking. He was basically vibrating with nervous energy.

He can’t believe he was going to do this. He can’t believe he was going to go through all this trouble to convince the world’s most stubborn Slytherin to come back to school and he found himself that he wouldn’t mind trying to convince him for as long as it takes. He’d make as much effort he needs to, use up all his riches and energy for the most frustrating bloke he had the fortunate of meeting.

His heart thrummed pleasantly in his chest as he thought about the love of his life. There were a lot of things he needed to make up for, and he knew it would require a lot of time and patience to gain Severus’ trusts and forgiveness. It might even take him a life time to get it but if it comes to that, he would gladly take the challenge.

After taking the time to say goodbye to his friends and write a letter about his absence to his parents (which he gave to Padfoot since he technically already lives at the Potters now.), got a punch to the gut by Evans and a threat if he dares harm a single hair on Severus' head (James gasped and doubled over in pain, not expecting the painful blow to his abdomen. “I’m going to say this once so you better listen. If it turns out all of this was a ruse for you to hurt Sev again, I will murder you.” She said to him, voice completely serious. James promised her that he won’t and she nodded once before whirling around to leave, not giving James a second glance. He guessed Regulus told her about his plan and that he must’ve asked her personally to not try to deter him since if he didn’t, he had a feeling she wouldn’t let him go that easily.), and a promise from Regulus that if Lily did kill him, he would be the one to bury his dead body (the younger boy looked far too happy and pleased when he told him that). It was finally time for him to leave.

The Marauders got off the train and stepped onto the grounds of Kings Cross Station. James embraced his friends and got a slap on the back by Padfoot. “Good luck mate,” he said, “he’s a hard one to crack.”

“And be gentle with him. Don’t rush it,” Moony advised him, shooting Prongs a stern glare, “and don’t do things I wouldn’t do, James.”

James nodded, looking like a man on a mission, “I’ll try.”

Wormtail rolled his eyes at him and shrugged, he doesn’t have any words of encouragement or love advice to give, especially if it was about a certain **_greasy git_**. He knew about his friend’s crush, but he really doesn’t like Snape and is more reluctant to accept about the fact that the rest seemed okay with it. He didn’t want to be left out of the group – though he was getting a little distant lately – so he had to bit down his tongue so to not voice out his opinion about the matter.

They waved him goodbye as they departed.

¤

James’ leg bounced under him and he was grinning so wide that it hurts his cheeks, but he didn’t care, he was too excited to bother. He was on a bus heading towards Spinners End – using the muggle money he exchanged with a couple of his muggleborn schoolmates, and according to the address, Severus lives at a small town named Cokeworth and that’s where he was going to stay for the next three weeks or probably more depending on Severus' responds.

He rehearsed his apology in his head for the hundredth times while waiting for his stop. He very nearly sprinted out of the bus when it stopped and ran as fast as his legs could take him at the direction of the Snape’s household. His face lit up when he caught sight of the poorly built wooden house at the corner of the neighborhood and once he stood in front of the door, he audibly inhaled with his chest puffed out and huffed loud and long to calm his nerves – and his heart.

 _‘I can do this.’_ He told himself.

He knocked on the door – a bit too enthusiastically – three times and waited, plopping his duffle bag down on the ground, next to his feet. He heard shuffling from the inside and then heard the familiar silky voice calling out for him to wait. He shifted side to side eagerly and when the doorknob twisted with a click and the door opened wide and welcoming, he offered Severus one of his famous crooked smile (the one that could woo the skirts and pants off of most witches and wizards at Hogwarts) but stopped short when he saw the way Severus looked. Severus' hair was messy from sleep and he was wearing a shirt far too big for his lithe body with the hem of the shirt tucked messily inside his sweatpants that hung attractively low on his waist, and his beautiful obsidian eyes wide as saucers when his sleep clouded mind cleared long enough to realize who was at the door.

James’ heart soared impossibly high and he felt like a school girl in front of his crush. His apology that took him weeks to practice and perfect was gone and his mind blanked when he saw how bloody gorgeous Severus looked right then and there.

 _Fuck_ , he cursed and he felt himself blush.

“Fuck, okay, uhm, hi,” he _intelligently_ said, “fancy seeing you here, Snape, I’m uh, y’know, James, James Potter. I’m sure you still remember me. Hopefully. And um.” He had never wanted to slam his head real hard on a flat surface as much as he does now. He groaned at his own stuttering, “Okay I’m just gonna say it.” James rolled his shoulders and straightened his back as he tried to summon the Gryffindor courage his house prided on.

Severus on the other hand still gaped at James in a mixture of disbelief and horror and James took great pleasure at causing any kind of reaction from the former Slytherin (Severus was always a tough nut to crack, it was mostly the reason why he had to use extreme measures to gain his attention and to get any sort of reaction out of the guy. He wasn’t proud of what he did but it did get the job done and he would rather face anger than indifference.).

“Severus Tobias Snape, I am so sorry for the pranks I’ve pulled, the names I’ve called you, the multiple ruined potions and the humiliations I’ve caused, and the detentions that I led you to, and the bruises I’ve given you. I’m so sorry for all the terrible things I’ve done in the past and I will admit to you that I was a complete and an utter prat, to the Slytherins, to our classmates, and especially to you. I’ll give you my word, as the Potter’s heir and as an honorable wizard, if you’d give me a chance, I will use all of my powers to make up for the six horrible years I made your school life to be. So please, would you come back to Hogwarts with me so I could make things right?”

The both of them were silent for a long while and James patiently waited for Severus to process what he just said. He really hope Severus would accept his offer to make amends but he knew how prideful and stubborn the black haired boy can be and he expected an outright rejection and a door slammed in his face but he was willing to fight tooth and nail for the second chance he desperately wanted. It took a minute but Severus finally moved, his face turned impassive and James noticed the slight twitch of his fingers and James thought he was going to slam the door in his face but instead, Severus threw his hand way back and –

And he punched him. _Hard_.

In hindsight, he should’ve seen that coming.

¤

_Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, **shit**. _

_He just knocked out **James fucking Potter.**_

At first when he heard knocking at the door, he fully expected the Evans to come visit him again and this time with Lily towing along to check on him and spend some time with him. But he didn’t, for the life of him, expected Potter to stand at his doorstep, blabbering nonsense about him being sorry about the crap he had done to him of all people. He was only half listening but after he finished talking and Severus’ shock subsided, Severus did the only thing he could think of when came face to face with an impending threat. He punched him, hard enough to knock him out.

As Severus stared down at the unconscious body laying on the ground by his feet, he began to panic. He contemplated on closing the door and act as if he didn’t just – satisfyingly – punched the living daylights out of his childhood enemy and leave the boy alone to pick himself up once he wakes up, but he didn’t want his neighbors to see a motionless body in front of his house. The rumors would spread like wildfire about him following in his father’s footsteps and that would lead to the police getting involved and he did not want to get himself into juvie after fully accepting the peace the muggle life provided him.

And _the Evans_ –

He took a step back into his house to look at the clock on the wall. It was almost ten and they wouldn’t be here until half past twelve.

“Shit.” He mumbled _calmly_.

While dragging the dead weight of his new unwanted guest by the legs (after checking his pulse to make sure he didn’t actually kill him – Severus lets out the biggest sigh of relief when he did find them.), huffing and panting ever so slightly, he chanted to himself, _why me why me why me why_ , all the way to his room – he was sure the prat would have a huge bump on the back of his head when he was done hauling him up the stairs.

Severus pondered whether if he should let the Chaser use his bed or not, but he was too petty and too tired to pull him onto it so the floor would have to do. He was about to run back downstairs to grab the bag Potter had left but stopped halfway through the door when he remembered that Potter could possibly be armed. He knelt down and searched for his wand and once he found it – there was a leather ankle bracelet where he stored the wand – he took it with him and hid it, along with the bag (you don’t know if there’s anything dangerous in it.) – just to be safe.

The halfblood sat down on his bed and released an irritated sigh, looking down at Potter’s handsome face on his bedroom’s floor.

_Why is **he** here? _

_Is he here to ruin the little bit of happiness Severus has left and crumbling it with his bare hands?_

_To finish the job by killing him off with Severus’ own butcher knife? He’s probably going to feed his chopped up corpse to a couple of stray dogs… or his wolf friend._

He groaned and buried his face in his hands. _Why does shit like this happens to him?_

A loud knock at the door made him jump to his feet. _‘Fuck,’_ he cursed, _‘is there more of them!?’_

Severus took off running towards the basement at lightning speed to grab Potter’s wand, he needed a weapon and at this point, he doesn’t give a shit if Potter’s wand would work on him or not, it was better than nothing. Once he got a hold of the wand, he securely clutched the wooden wand to his chest with trembling hands, heart pounding loud against his chest, he lowered himself to a near bow and creeped towards the door. He waited with bated breath when the knocking ceased.

He heard whispering from outside but couldn’t make out what they were saying until they knocked again, except it was different this time. The knocking had a pattern.

**_Knock, knock, knock_ **

**_Knock, a drag of fingernails against the door_ **

**_Knock, knock, drag, knock_ **

**_Knock_ **

Severus felt a sudden flare of joy when he realized it was Morse code.

 _It was Morse code for the word **safe**_. He knew because he was the one that suggested it when he was small for when his father was being exceptionally crankier than the usual.

He promptly pocketed the wand and flung the door wide open.

“Lily!”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate jily with a passion so yall understand why im so bitter about it

Severus got an eye full of fiery red hair when he threw the door open and felt unexpectedly strong petite arms wrapping themselves around his waist, engulfing him in a warm hug. The hug startled a laugh out of him and he immediately reciprocated by throwing his arms around his visitor’s neck. “Sev, I’ve missed you!” Lily squealed happily, tightening her hold on him and nuzzled her nose on his shoulder.

His chest warmed at the sentiment and he grinned stupidly. It was rare for anyone to miss him, to want his company and genuinely enjoyed his presence, to the point that Severus nearly convinced himself that he was unloved and unwanted by anyone – other than his own mother, but even then he still had his doubts – and then Regulus and Lily barged into his life and filled him with much needed attention and affection and all doubts just flew away.

“Hello Lily, and Mrs. Evans. You two are awfully early today, I haven’t even clean up yet.” He politely smiled at the older woman while gently pulling his friend, who was still clinging onto him, into the house so to make room for her to move inside.

Mrs. Evans chuckled at her youngest daughter’s behavior, “Lily couldn’t wait to meet you so we had to rush here.” She walked inside and directly went into his kitchen to place her picnic basket – filled to the brim with food ingredients – on Severus’ kitchen counter. “Do you want pancakes or eggs on toasts today?” she asked, pulling up an apron from one of the cabinets.

If it was four months ago, Severus would blush beet red when Lily’s mother came in every morning (sometimes her father too if he’s not busy in the office) – for the first month and a half, and now only every weekends – to make him breakfast or brunch in his kitchen with her own ingredients she generously bought for him. But now – after being in the receiving end of her motherly stare every time he refuses her cooking, he took it in stride and accepted every delicious food she makes for him. She always has this huge bright smile adorning her face – that reminded him who Lily got it from – whenever Severus took the plate she offers and he didn’t have the heart to push it away.

“Eggs on toasts would be lovely, Mrs. Evans.”

“I want pancakes, mother!” Lily beamed after letting go of Severus.

The woman gave her an okay sign with her hand and busied herself by taking out the things she needed to cook with.

Severus was going to trail behind her to help out with the cooking but the arms gripping around one of his own stopped him dead in his track and he was steered towards the living room instead by a determined Lily.

The girl pushed him onto the old sofa and sat herself down beside him, “What happened?” she asked, eyes showing her worries. Severus frowned. He knew they would be having this conversation one way or another but he didn’t expect they’d talk about his sudden leave with her mother in the next room and this early in the visit no less.

Severus shifted on his seat nervously. He didn’t like talking about what had occurred on that fateful night. He was working very hard on forgetting about sharp teeth and sharp claws with those beady eyes staring at his very soul and –

_Bloody hell, he can’t think about it with Lily in the room._

He breathed in deeply and let go. He wished he could lie to her, but she can see right through him (the last time he told a lie to her was when they were ten, about a black eye and a bloody noes he received from his criminal father and telling her that he fell from a tree after climbing it to get a juicy apple for his late mother. Safe to say she wasn’t happy with his blatant lie and gave him the silent treatment for a week until he spilled out the truth. That was the first and last time he lied to her and it was also the time she found out about the terrible things that transpired in his house.) so that wouldn’t be a good idea unless he wanted to upset her and that’s the last thing he wanted to do.

It was now or never he guessed. It took him a long moment to arrange the words in his head and it took him a moment longer to find the courage to lay it out in the open.

“They tried to kill me.”

¤

James woke up in an unfamiliar room. He blinked away the haze and slowly sat himself up using his elbows as leverage. _Where was_ _he?_ He examined the room he was in and noticed a small bed, enough for one person to sleep on, against the wall and a worn out trunk at the far corner of the room. There was also an old nightstand next to the bed but other than that, the room looked almost vacant.

He got up to his feet and then hissed when he felt a sudden jolt of pain at his jaw. _Oh_ _right_ , _now he remembered. Severus punched_ _him_. And he must’ve knocked him out and literally dragged him up the stairs to his room if the blunt stinging pain he felt at the back of his head was anything to go by. He probably – _definitely_ deserved it though, the punch he means.

“Welp,” he sighed, putting his hands on his hips, “at least I’m in his house now. That’s progress.” Way better than sleeping in the shady motel he saw earlier while on the bus heading here. He pursed his lips in thought. Should he go downstairs and speak with Severus? Favorably in a civil manner. How long has he been unconscious? Maybe Severus had calmed down by now and would listen to him again.

 _Nothing left for him but to move forward,_ he guessed and walked outside.

The floor creaked under him as he sidled down the stairs. His ears perked at the direction of the kitchen, _‘Sounds like someone’s cooking something.’_ He mused to himself and peaked through the entrance to see an older woman with shoulder length red hair, humming softly to a tune that James doesn’t quite recognize while carefully stacking layers of pancakes on a plate.

_She looks familiar somehow. Is she related to Severus?_

“Oh! Hello there. Who might you be?” the lady asked in surprise, not at all perturbed that a stranger was in the house than she should be. He sputtered, equally as surprised as her at getting caught. James hadn’t realized he was staring openly at the delicious treat until she spoke. The woman looked at him weirdly and offered him a kind smile, “Are you a friend of Severus?”

 _This lady knows Severus, so either she’s a Snape or someone close to Severus to a point that he’s willingly to let her use his kitchen_. An idea struck him. He nodded his head ardently, “Yes!” he blurted out, far too quickly than intended. He had to stop himself and try to remain collected so to not appear suspicious. He cleared his throat and nervously looked down, “Uh, yes I am. I wanted to spend the holiday with him this year and he let me in so… here we are.” He awkwardly gestured around him vaguely.

The mysterious lady outright beamed at him. “That’s splendid! I’ve never known any of Severus’ friends, but I’m so glad that he’s open enough to let one spend the holidays with him. It gets awfully lonely around here for him I’m sure, and having someone with him would help him get out of his shell once in a while.” She chirped happily. “My name’s Lorelei Evans by the way. What’s yours?”

 _Evans? Is she Lily’s mother?_ He knows that Severus and Lily knew each other long before him but he didn’t know they lived close by. Past James would be furiously envious about the fact that Lily has a much more intimate connection with the Slytherin than he expected, but now that he knew that Lily was bent as a wet spaghetti, it brought him immense comfort to know that Severus didn’t cut all ties to the wizarding world than he previously thought.

“James. James Potter, ma’am.”

“Well James, mind helping me set up the table?”

¤

Lily bristled next to Severus. If her mother wasn’t in the next room as them, he suspected a scream from her, one of outrage and without the nuance of anything innocent. “Those fucking _**worms**_.” Her grip of his hand was almost deadly, and it successfully cuts off his blood circulations. A tiny whispered ‘ow’ from him made Lily eased her grip. “And Dumbledore lets them off just like that? What a shitting **_prick_**. Now I understand why Reg hates the douche so much.”

“Language, Lily. If your mother hears you, we’ll be in so much trouble.”

She stuck her tongue out at him as a response, “Fuck it.”

“Real mature, Lils.” He deadpanned.

“Kids!” They both jumped. _Speak of the devil._ “Food’s ready!”

“Alright mother! We’ll be right there,” Lily shouted back. “Come on, Sev. Let’s not think about those jackasses. It’s just you and me now. Us against the world, remember?”

Severus smirked at her, grabbing the hand Lily offered him and stood up. “And Reg. Don’t forget Reg.” He may not be able to see Regulus for a while, if not at all, but that didn’t mean he doesn’t want to include him in their little triad anymore.

“Of course. The drama queen.”

Severus snorted, following the girl to the kitchen.

¤

When the two friends stepped into the kitchen, James saw them froze at the entrance when their eyes landed on him setting plates down on the dining table. He flashed them a small smile and ducked his head to continue with his task. It took him all of his will power to not look up to see their reactions. He took the tense silence as a bad sign for him to be there.

“What are **_you_** doing here!?” Lily hissed. Without looking, he shrugged his shoulders, with his hands moving around to place the forks and butter knives next to the plates. “To visit and hang out with Sev. You know that Lils.” He had never called Evans that before but he remembered that Severus calls her that all the time, and his situation now is extremely dire and he needed to make the lie more convincing. There was another beat of shock silence between them until Lily actually **_screamed_**.

“WHAT!?”

This time he looked up, lips taut in a thin line, “You heard me,” he wasn’t sure what he was doing but he felt the need to challenge the girl next to Severus. If he needs to fight off Evans in order to prove Severus he would do **_anything_** to obtain his love and affection, **_then so fucking be it._ **“to visit Sev and hang out with him. I’ve already told you about it at school remember?” It felt like he was proving himself in front of Severus’ ex- lover.

“I didn’t think you’d come here early!”

“Wait. You knew?” Severus snapped his attention to her. Lily’s shoulders immediately tensed and she avoided her friend’s look of disbelief, looking entirely guilty, especially with what they just discussed about. “You knew and you just let him waltzed in here like he owned the fucking place and didn’t tell me about it?” Lily still didn’t chance him a glance and Severus assumed the worse, he gasped, “Did you tell him where I live too!?”

“I didn’t! Reg was – “

“Regulus was in on it too!? What? Is this a fucking prank? Lily, I expected better from you!” _crap, he was spiraling again but he doesn’t have the energy to really give a damn. He felt betrayed and hurt and scared, so he really doesn’t give a single fuck right now._

“It’s not a prank!” James defended and Severus was reminded by the fact that they weren’t alone.

At the same time as Lily said, “I’m not pranking you!”

“Then why is he here!?”

“Uh, because you let me in?”

“What?” Lily stared up at her – slightly – taller friend, brows furrowed in confusion, “you let him in?”

Lily knew James would come, but she didn’t actually expect Sev to acknowledge Potter’s existence let alone letting him in his house. It was why she knew that Potter’s advancement would be a waste of time and his plan would fail even without her interfering them.

Severus flushed, “I had to! I accidentally knocked him out and I can’t just leave his body outside my house!”

“Aww you do care, Sev. I’m touched.”

“Go to hell, Potter!”

“Severus Tobias Snape, that’s not how you speak to a friend!” a motherly voice boomed behind him and Severus flinched. He slowly turned and saw both of Lily’s parents standing outside of the kitchen’s doorway. She must’ve went home to get her husband for breakfast.

“He’s not my friend!” he weakly argued with the lack of anything to say.

Mr. Evans raised a sharp brow, “From what I heard from Lorelei, he’s a classmate. And whether you see him as a friend or not, you don’t treat a classmate with such crudity.” He chastised, glaring sternly at him like he was fucking five.

How ironic, that was something they should direct to Potter and not him – maybe a little to him too but in his defense, Potter started it. Severus’ nostrils flared as he tried to reign in his anger. He can’t just tell them that this bastard of a boy had ruined his life since he was thirteen and had tried to kill him by feeding him to his werewolf companion.

For one, it was hard for him to admit of Tobias’ abuse and that took him years until he fess up to them after Lily’s nonstop badgering of the matter. Secondly, they were adults, it wasn’t that he doesn’t trusts them but he had been disappointed by many adults in his life before, _**including**_ his own mother (when she refused to leave her husband’s toxic clutches even as he begged her to and therefore lets Severus and herself to endure his torture for another couple of years until she died.), they’d probably either don’t believe him and thought they were playing around like all teens do, or _**do**_ believe him and got scared about the Wizarding World and forcefully made Lily quit school too. He can’t let that happen, he knows Lily loves magic, as much as him and he doesn’t want to be the one that takes that away from her. He could never live it down, even if he was sort of mad at her for whatever the hell she did that led Potter here into his place.

Under the watchful eyes of both parents, he knew he had no choice but to **_apologize_** to _**Potter**_ , the thought of that makes him sick to his stomach. “I’m sorry,” he gritted out to Potter’s surprise. He glared at him. Okay, no, that felt wrong coming from him and besides, it wasn’t his fault, they were under his roof, they go under his fucking rules. “I’m sorry your family raised a complete dick.”

“Severus!”

¤

They ate their breakfast in silence, well, only Severus was quiet while Mr. and Mrs. Evans were chatting with good ol’ James Perfect Potter, with Lily conversing with her father whenever he started including her into their conversations. The air wasn’t entirely awkward, nor was it nice either. It was as if they were treading carefully around him, like _**he**_ was the stranger at a table between good friends. He knows that they were trying to not worsen his already sour mood, but this made him want to rip out Potter’s insides and dangle them above their heads to remind them that Potter wasn’t someone of any importance when they’re in **_his_** house.

He begrudgingly accepted his fate and unceremoniously bit on a piece of toast, scowling at his half eaten fried egg as he plotted on how to kick all of them out of his house as fast as humanely possible. So far all he could think of was to tell them all to fuck off but that would increase the chance of them never coming back and Severus, despite the situation pisses him off, doesn’t want them out of his life. Except for Potter, he can kill himself for all he cared.

“I’m actually going to spend the holidays here with Sev.” Severus very nearly choked on his food and had to gulp down his orange juice to wash down the piece of dry toast lodged in his throat. He stared incredulously at Potter, wide eyed.

James on the other hand, was **_not_** having the time of his life. He planned to spend time with Severus, not with the Evans. He put on his best smile, one he uses whenever he was on a mission to please a bunch of adults, and decided to wait it out until he can talk to him once they’re alone. He couldn’t help glancing at Severus a couple times while eating, he looked adorable in the homey setting and wearing such a large shirt that he could see his collarbones peaking out and with his normally straight hair tousled in every directions. He hid a small smile and had to push down the urge to rake his fingers through his untidy tufts of black hair. He bets it’s softer than it looks. Then when Mr. Evans, who James found out was named Henry, asked him why he was in the Snape’s residence, he knew he had to lie, or at least, hold out the truth.

He answered and looked at the owner of the house apologetically. Severus was fuming and he was about to decline his earlier statement but James was faster, “I already told my parents that I’ll be staying in a friend’s house for a couple of weeks and Sev here,” his grinned twitched and the guilt was festering inside him like molds growing at the side of a tree, “was kind enough to let me stay.” He didn’t like lying his way to get what he wants, and he doesn’t like that this could make Severus’ hate towards him increases tenfold but he couldn’t think of a better plan right on the spot that could make Severus cooperate with him so he had to make do with what he can get. He can add this onto the long list of apologies he has to make up to Severus later.

Lily was gob smacked. Potter was lying between his teeth and her parents obliviously soaked in all that information like a sponge! She has to stop this. She can’t just sit there and allow this to happen, but she made a promise to Regulus that she wouldn’t interfere with Potter’s grand scheme to make **_amends_**. _‘He would understand,’_ she reasoned, _‘once I tell him, he would certainly understand.’_ She was about to say something when a sharp yelp from Potter stopped her.

Severus was not amused by this. Potter winced in pain and Severus’ only response was to kick him under the table again. “I didn’t agree to this! I am **_not_** letting you stay in my house, or **_anywhere_** near me for that matter.” He hissed, his glare hardened.

Potter’s smile turned wary when he looked at him, “I know you’re mad, but if you give me a chance to redeem myself –“

“I’d rather crawl under a sewer naked than spend time with a scumbag like you.”

“Severus, that is not how you treat your guest.” Mr. Evans reprimanded him and he scoffed. _It’s how he treats his bullies_ , he thought.

“Did both of you get into a fight?” Severus heard Mrs. Evans asked.

“We did! I, uh, tried to apologize but he won’t listen to me.” Potter was the picture of innocence and Lily should’ve kicked him at where the sun doesn’t shine when she had the chance yesterday.

“You started the fight. You always started the fights!” Lily shrilled, standing up. So much for a relaxing morning.

“Lily, I didn’t teach you to raise your voice.”

“But father!”

“No buts. These two are fighting and they need to find a way to make up. Friends always fight but they don’t fight too long.”

“They’re not – they’re not even friends!”

The corner of James’ lips downturned, she was ruining everything he was fighting for. He doesn’t hate the girl but most times, she makes him like her less and less. It was true they weren’t friends but he was **_trying_** to reach that stage between them if she hadn’t open her big fat mouth. He wondered why he had a crush on her in the first place. _You didn’t,_ his brain told him. _And thank God for that._

“That hurts Lils.” He feigned hurt, clutching his chest, “Just because you don’t like the idea of Sev having friends other than you, you shouldn’t be a jerk about it.” That hit a nerve and she blushed. He knew that other than him, Lily has a huge jealous streak and hates it when Severus spends time with the other students that doesn’t run away from him like the plague – that was James’ fault – and they would have a huge argument every time she sees him hanging around with Mulciber or Rosier.

James also remembered how the meeting between Regulus Black and her was borderline blood bath about to happen and funnily, Severus was the mediator of the group. They were times where they would glare at each other over Severus’ shoulders and would try to grab Severus’ attention on them and when the other noticed the close proximity, they would find ways to get closer and hold his attention on them instead.

James didn’t know what happened but it was after a couple months of that that they gradually enjoyed each other’s company and somewhere during the time spent around each other, they finally let their guards down and became the formidable trio they are now. Her relationship with Regulus was as much the same as Severus’ and hers and he remembered how happy that made Severus when Lily actually laughed at Regulus’ joke instead of trying to one up him on making their mutual friend smile.

James was jealous of the both of them for effortlessly approaching Severus without getting a Stinging Hex that would last for hours in return. Especially towards Regulus because he was so physically affectionate with him despite being a guy that it made James want to snatch the former Slytherin away from the younger Black. He had to bear the obvious affection from Lily **_and_** from Regulus, it was the worst couple months for James at the time. Evans grew out of her envy whenever Severus talked to other of his Slytherin classmates while James sadly did not – not for a while until he screwed up big time with the werewolf incident.

Henry Evans knew his daughter well. He knows how Lily, much like himself when he was young, gets jealous easily. He had seen how Lily reacted when Petunia tried to steal her friends before she met Severus. Her envy was vicious and ugly and Henry believed the things that came out from James’ mouth rather than the look of fury from Lily. He trusts that James’ words had hit its mark and he needed a word with his daughter later about letting Severus his own freedom to choose his own friends.

“That’s enough, all of you!” Mrs. Evans intervened when she noticed that her husband didn’t try to. “Lily, sit down.” Lily wanted to say more but her mother gave her a look that Lily knew would lead her in more trouble if she doesn’t listen. She grumpily sat back down. It was another beat of uncomfortable silence when everyone had settled back down to finish off the remaining of their foods. Lorelei turned to James and smiled at him, “You can stay here as long as you want honey.” She then briefly shot a stern glare at Severus when he was about to argue otherwise. He snapped his mouth shut and slouched in defeat on his chair.

Severus noticed at the corner of his eyes at the way Lily’s fingers twitched around the butter knife and she was viciously grinding her teeth. It looked like he has to physically restrain her if she intents to tackle Potter to the ground and claw his eyes out. If the situation was different, he would gladly let her do whatever the hell she wants with Potter while he stands to the side and watch, but her parents were just **_there_** , in the room with them, sweet and oblivious from the murderous intent Lily was emitting.

Lily’s shoulders tensed and her back straightened as if she was ready to pounce and murder Potter on the spot, so he had to move fast. He had a few seconds to decide whether to let her rip Potter a new one or be the responsible of the two and not let a slaughter happen under the eyes of two witnesses.

The first option was very tempting and Severus almost decided on that, but looking back at Lorelei’s and Henry’s disapproving look made him second guessed himself. He mentally sighed at the loss of opportunity to bare witness Potter’s inevitable downfall.

Severus grumbled, _‘You’ve won again asshole.’_

“Fine.” His reply was clipped but it managed to snap Lily out of it and stared up at him in surprise, loosening her hold of the knife. “He can stay.” She gawked at him. He would’ve said a witty comment by now about her catching flies if she doesn’t close her mouth but it wasn’t the time to do so.

Severus was starting to get a headache. Potter was seriously getting on his nerves – not like he never did – and his patience was getting impossibly thin and he wasn’t the most patient person to begin with either. Mrs. Evans just gave the permission for Potter to stay in **_his_** own house without consulting him first, resulting him to actually agreed to it, and she also unknowingly gave Potter the rights to make his life a living hell **_in his own fucking house_**. He should’ve stayed at Hogwarts and take the dark mark despite knowing full well the lies Voldemort told his fellow followers. At least he could kill a bitch when he needed to if he did join him – but that would make Lily hate him and Regulus would follow him onto that dark path and he didn’t want that kind of life.

Maybe he should run away. Dying on the street seems more appealing than dying by your nemesis’ hands in his opinion.

Without another word, he stood up and took their plates off the table to wash them. He needed something to get his mind off of his new undesirable housemate. Without sparing a glance at Potter, he grabbed Potter’s empty plate and began to wash them too, hoping the Evans understand his dismissive behavior and leave without him telling them to.

James should be thrilled. Mrs. Evans must’ve had power over Severus if he listened to her without much of a fuss. But he can’t help feeling the immense guilt gnawing at his insides for trespassing (is it considered trespassing if the owner of the house dragged you in because he doesn’t have that much of a choice?) into Severus’ home and lied to his parental figures in front of his face like that. He really shouldn’t do what he did if he wanted Severus’ forgiveness. If Remus was here with him, he was sure he’d give him an earful. But he’s not here and James is impulsive enough to do whatever his brain came up with to get what he wants. For the first time in his life, he cursed his Gryffindor lineage for getting him where he was now.

They chatted a little bit more while Severus did the dishes. They didn’t offer their help to him which he was entirely grateful for. He guessed they knew he needed the time alone to cool down.

¤

After a bit of cleaning up the dining table, the Evans finally decided to leave. Being the good host Severus was, he and Potter went to see them outside and waved them goodbye for the day (Lily was still hesitant on leaving her best friend alone with the bespectacled boy and profusely told him she should stay with him so to protect him if Potter does anything funny. Severus shook his head at the offer and told her he would be fine and knows how to hold his own ground if he must. He also didn’t forget about what had happened between them earlier and told her that they should talk about it when they get the chance to. “I swear to you I wasn’t pranking you.” She said. He only nodded.).

James smiled to himself. _Great!_ He thought, _now his plan was going somewhere._ When Severus closed the door, James walked up to him with another apology on his lips, “Severus, I –“

But he couldn’t get the words out when he suddenly found himself thrown across the room and hit his back against the hard wall. He groaned painfully and when he looked up, he saw that Severus was pointing a wand at him. **_His_** wand at him.

He was getting **_really_** tired of people treating him like a punching bag, even if he sorta deserved it.


	6. Author's note!!

Hi everyone!!

I'm super sorry for the late update! i was unmotivated for a while to write this fic and had to have some alone time for a while! but rn as much as i want to write it, i'll be busy for the next 2 months? probably?? because of uni! i will be back next time because i really REALLY wanna finish this fic!

I'm just announcing my hiatus for 2 months or so! Please be patient with me and wait for me!

**Author's Note:**

> im very new at this and have never made a ship fic before i dont think, but i hope you guys like it!
> 
> and i draw a lot too! i have an instagram and tumblr called JustCallMeSabby! go ahead and say hi and feedback would be very appreciated cuz like i said, im new at this writing ship fic thing and have my doubts whether it's good enough or not


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